Even Angels Fall
by NCCJFAN
Summary: Time separates everyone...Woody marries someone else...Jordan no longer works at the morgue. She finally does return to Boston, a shell of the woman she once was. Rated R more for somewhat controversial content than sexual scenes.
1. A New Chief ME

**Disclaimer: I don't own Crossing Jordan, Tailwind Productions, or anything associated with them. So don't sue. Right now all you'd get is thetwenty dollarsin my pocketbook and a bag of chocolate covered expresso coffee beans….which aren't half bad.**

Boston looked mostly the same…even after ten years.

Despite road expansions, selective demolition, downtown revitalization, and a real estate boom, it still strongly resembled the Boston she flew out of a decade ago…after her world collapsed…after Woody married someone else. After her father returned to the city and to her…

In a coffin.

When that happened, she stopped and took stock of her life. She had no real prospects in front of her. Her personal life in shambles. So she had left, taking a job in Washington, DC, as a federal inspector of police crime labs and morgues. It was a challenging occupation, but one she enjoyed very much. She traveled across the United States, although she was stationed in the Capital. She liked DC …the snow in the winter and the cherry trees in the spring. It was cosmopolitan. It was big. In the beginning, she could get lost in the city…just be another face in the crowd. That was what she liked. That was what she had wanted.

But she was much more than just an inspector. She also reported her overall findings to Congress. She rubbed shoulders with Senators and Representatives….the elite of the elite. It was a fruitful time for her professionally. However, it did not allow her to remain a nameless face in the crowd for long.

Personally, the city took more from her than even Boston did.

But every dark cloud has a silver lining. And her silver lining was Jonathan McDermont. A man whose last name she still bore….Jordan Marie Cavanaugh McDermont. Her father would have approved. Jon was of Irish decent.

Only now she was leaving him in Washington and returning to her native Boston. At the invitation of Garret Macy. He had phoned her two weeks ago, at her home in Georgetown and asked to fly back home. It had taken some persuasive speech on his part…bordering on bribery at times….but finally she relented and flew out this morning.

The plan landed and she made her way down the ramp to claim her luggage, looking around for a familiar face. His greeting made her nearly jump out of her skin.

"Hello, Jordan."

"Garret…."

He hugged her tight and pulled away to look at her. He hadn't seen her since she left Boston years ago…after submitting her resignation when she had discovered Max was dead. She had changed…while the years had been good to her – she was still thin and looked wonderful – she was a changed woman. Her dark chestnut hair evidently was far longer than it had been in Boston. She wore it pulled back in a twist at the back of her head. But what struck Garret the most was her face…it was still beautiful, but carried a harsher edge to it…she looked tired and worn out. _She must have had to pull some serious overtime in order to get some days off to fly back home,_ he thought. "You haven't changed, Jo. Not a bit."

"Thanks, Garret. Neither have you. Are you sure about this?"

"Never been so certain of anything in my life. I finally came to my senses and Lily still wanted me…so now I'm marrying her." He took her luggage from her and helped her out to his car. "What about you? Are you sure you're really interested in returning to Boston? I mean, the job you have is pretty exciting…all the travel…all the big wigs in Washington…coming back here may be sort of a let down."

"Quiet, Garret. It will be quieter. And I need quiet right now. Especially after …" her voice trailed off.

"I know, Jordan," he replied, giving her hand a sympathetic squeeze as he drove to the morgue. "Maybe for once, Boston will bring you peace and healing instead of tearing your word apart." He parked the car and they went up to his office. He sat behind his desk and she dropped down in a chair in front of him. "So now, tell me doctor," he began, "Why do you want my job when I retire as Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts and why should I give it to you?" He grinned at Jordan.

* * *

The interview had been just a mere formality. When Lily had said yes to his marriage proposal and he decided to retire as chief ME, there was only one person whom Garret felt was qualified to take his job. There was only one person he really wanted: Jordan.

It took a flurry of calls, a bouquet of flowers, and some serious job benefits, but she finally agreed to at least think about it. A few days ago she had agreed to take the position. She tenured her resignation in DC, put her home up for sale, and was now in Boston to fill out some paperwork, and for Garret to announce she was hired to take his place. "Who is still here now I know?" she asked, toying with the visitor's pass hanging from her jacket lapel.

"Bug and Nigel…"

"They didn't want your job?"

"They're not as qualified as you are."

"Oh. How are they taking the idea that I may be their boss?"

"Emmy's still here," he continued, avoiding her question, "and Sydney."

"You didn't answer my question…."

Garret sighed and tugged at his tie. "They don't know yet."

"You haven't told them?" Jordan asked incredulously.

"I have mentioned it….but haven't told them for sure."

"Great….just great," she muttered. "I told you part of my accepting this job was that they would be amicable to the fact that I would be their boss."

"They will be…"

"So when will you tell them?"

"There's a staff meeting in an hour. I was hoping you'd stay here until then. I'll take you back to your hotel after that, if you want."

Jordan nervously chewed the inside of her bottom lip. "Okay. Although I think I'd like to stay in your office until the meeting."

"Don't you mean _your_ office?" He grinned at her.

"Yeah…I guess so…." She sat back in the chair. "Is anyone else still here that I'd remember?"

Garret rattled off a list of homicide detectives. "Santana, Capra, Winslow, Steeley, Carver…..and Hoyt."

"Woody's still here?"

"Yeah. He's a lieutenant now. He's done very well for himself. Personally and professionally. He has twin boys."

"Twins?"

"Yeah…cutest little boys you've ever seen…eight, almost nine years-old. They come through here every once in a while."

"He and Julie must be doing very well, then. Is she still teaching school?"

A dark look crossed Garret's face. "I guess you must not have heard. Julie died nearly seven years ago. She was driving home from a PTA meeting and was hit by a drunk driver. She was killed instantly."

Jordan swallowed hard. The truth was, once she left Boston, she hadn't kept in touch with anyone, other than stray Christmas cards here and there. She had done it on purpose. When she left Massachusetts, she had left to start over with a clean slate…no baggage. She had no real ties left in the city….her father was dead and Woody was now married to someone else. She never expected to return…so she hadn't kept up with her former co-workers.

"He's raised the boys on his own," Garret continued. "And he's done a hell of a good job. They do well in school, are well-behaved and well-mannered….just great kids. You'll see."

"I always figured he'd make a terrific father," she said softly, still playing with her visitor's pass. "But I had no idea he was a widower. It must be tough being Mom and Dad."

"It is…but he does a great job." Garret glanced down at his watch. "Well, it's time, Dr. McDermont. You are going by McDermont now?" he nearly frowned. He was used to calling her Dr. Cavanaugh.

"Yes. I took my husband's name professionally and privately."

"Good. Then let's go introduce you to your employees and let you officially conduct your first staff meeting.


	2. Introductions and Reacquaintences

**Chapter Two**

_Well, that was an interesting experience_, Jordan thought as she left the staff meeting to go back to her hotel room. She had told Garret she'd take a cab….the morgue employees had a million questions after the staff meeting that he needed to address. She reflected on the gathering…and the reactions she had seen in their faces when Garret announced that she would be the new chief ME. Bug and Nigel had a mixture of relief and disbelief on their face. She knew Nigel thought that she'd never return to Boston. Neither did she. Sydney remembered her…but hadn't known her well before she left. Bug, as usual, was quiet. Jordan wondered what he thought about Garret and Lily getting married. When she had left Boston for DC, Bug and Lily had just started dating. Jordan wondered what had happened.

Garret had introduced her as Dr. McDermont. Nigel's head had snapped up to attention when that came out, noting the wedding band and large diamond solitaire on her left ring finger. She had caught the look in Nigel's eyes…_We need to talk, love,"_ was written all over his face.

She had missed Nigel. Far more than she realized…their late night talks…rides on his bike…his comfort both when Max had died and when Woody decided he wanted Julie instead of her. She had pushed back these thoughts when Garret turned the meeting over to her. She had briefly reiterated her former job….as a federal inspector of morgues and state crime labs. She said she was so happy and proud that Boston had always exceeded the federal levels of excellence, and that Garret was leaving large shoes to fill. She made sure that everyone knew she had worked there before and under the leadership of Garret.

She went on to reassure that as of the present, she had no plans to reassign or fire anyone. Things would go on as they normally were while she reassessed the situation. She was certain there may be one or two procedural changes, but other than that, she really didn't want to cause any alarm or gossip among the morgue staff. From what she could tell, Garret had developed a finely tuned team of workers. Their record was nearly spotless. She'd be damned if she'd mess that up. She knew a good thing when she saw it. That was one of the "perks" that drew her back to Boston…she didn't have a mess to clean up…unlike some of the other labs and morgues she had inspected.

She took the elevator back to her room and settled in. She'd be living here, compliments of the city of Boston, until she could find a house. That was her next move. After changing out of her red business suit and into jeans and a blouse, she phoned a realtor that had been recommended to her and arranged to look at some houses in Boston.

After years of living in apartments and townhouses, Jordan was now used to living in a house. She liked them. She liked decorating them. She appreciated the spaciousness of a home…the comfort….the warmth. And even though she'd be living alone in Boston, she still wanted her own four walls and roof. She told the realtor she was interested in the posh Beacon Hill section of the city.

In the past, despite thumbing her nose at the monied privileged of Boston, she had always secretly dreamed of living in the toney Beacon Hill section of the city. It was plush. It was luxurious….it was beautiful…the houses and the lawns. Jon made sure she was well-taken of monetarily. Between her "allowance" from him and the fact that her salary was _hers_, she was a wealthy woman. She had invested most of what she made, taking advantage of Jon's knowledge of stocks, bonds, and funds. She could afford to live in this section now…a dream she had always had since she was a girl. She and Max would ride through Beacon Hill at Christmas…admiring the lights and decorations. She always thought she would feel like a fairy princess…or even Cinderella in one of these homes.

She grimaced at the thought. She definitely was no princess…or even Cinderella…but one of these houses would more than likely become her home in the weeks ahead.

* * *

Within the next week, she had found a house she liked…a gracious, large residence, with a sweeping front porch and back veranda. It had a pool she planned on enclosing so she could swim year around. Five bedrooms. Six baths. A security system. Gourmet kitchen. She was set. She phoned her household staff in DC and told them to pack her things up and send them to Boston. "Are you sure, Dr. McDermont?" Virginia had asked. Virginia was her housekeeper both in DC and in Texas.

"I'm sure, Ginny," she had replied. "It's time for me to start over. Although my offer for you still stands." Jordan had tried her best to get Virginia to move to Boston with her. While the lady looked after Jordan's two households, Jordan had great affection for the older woman and wanted to make sure she was well taken care of.

"Ah, now, Miss….Boston's far to cold for me and too far away from my grandbabies. I'm going to live near my son for the time being. But don't be a stranger. Let me hear from you from time to time. I'll miss you and Mr. McDermont."

Two days later, her furniture and the rest of her things arrived. She had hired an interior decorator, housekeeper and a maid through one of the recommended agencies in Boston and put them to work straightening out her home. She dug in at the morgue, working with Garret to be brought up to speed on all the pressing cases and allowing him to introduce her to the new DA and his staff….and the seemingly hundreds of homicide detectives she no longer knew…

"I'm glad at least you'll be in town … that way if I have any questions, I can call you. I can do that, can't I?"

"Of course, Jo. And I will be available on a consulting basis…so if things get out of hand, call me."

"Think you're going to like teaching?" While Garret was retiring from the morgue, he was going to teach forensics part-time at the university.

"It will be different….but it will give me more time with Lily."

"Come to think of it, I haven't seen Lil yet."

"She's been busy with the wedding. She wanted to know if you'd like to have dinner with us on Saturday, though."

Jordan thought for a minute. It wasn't like she had plans… "Sure. Just let me know when and where."

"Seven. My house. We're going to live there. She's redecorated to make it her own….it's nice, actually."

Jordan nodded. Somehow with Lily, she got the feeling there was going to be lots of incense and scented candles involved. "Let me know if I need to bring anything."

"No. Just yourself. But speaking of bringing something, need to leave and go home. I promised Lily I'd stop and pick up a few things she needs on the way home from work."

Jordan grinned at Garret. "You are so whipped. Do you know that?"

Garret grinned back. "Yeah. I know. But I like it."

She continued to work on the active files after he had left, trying to get a good grasp of what was taking priority in the morgue right now….what was really important and what could wait, when there was a knock on her door. "Come in," she said absent-mindedly, assuming it was Nigel, taking advantage of the fact that she was alone now and wanted to talk to her.

"They told me you were back as the new Chief ME. I didn't believe them. I had to come and see for myself." His quiet voice caught her off-guard, but his blue eyes still made her knees go slightly weak.

"Woody…." Her voice nearly trailed off. She pushed her professional persona to the forefront. "How are you?" Her voice had a warm ring, but was strictly on a business basis with her former lover.

"I'm fine. I really didn't believe them when they said you were back…"

"I never thought I'd be back in Boston….but time changes things and people, so here I am." She extended her hand for him to shake it.

Completely ignoring her gesture, he pulled her into a brief hug. "It's so good to see you again. You look wonderful." _But you're too thin…and look tired,_ he thought to himself. _And there's something else…something I can't quite put my finger on._

"You look well, too, Woody." And he did. A light sprinkling of gray was at his temples now…but he was still as tall and broad shouldered as she remembered and his eyes were still the color of the ocean after a storm.

"Dad…." A voice called from the doorway. "If you don't hurry…."

"We're going to be late," finished a second voice.

Jordan peeked around Woody to see two sets of blue eyes…identical to their father's….staring at them. "Allow me to introduce my twin sons," Woody said, pride edging its way in his voice. "The one on the left is Brad and Bryan is on the right."

Jordan did a double take…the boys were identical. Not only in looks, but in dress….they were in soccer uniforms. "How do you do?" said Brad, walking up to her and extending his hand to her. She shook it, surprised at the young boy's firm grip.

"Nice to meet you…." continued Bryan, looking at his father, while holding out his hand, too.

"Dr. Cavanaugh. The lady's name is Dr. Cavanaugh. She's the new chief ME…she's taking Dr. Macy's place," Wood told his sons.

"Actually, the name is now Dr. McDermont. But you can call me Jordan," she said, noting a surprised look on Woody's face. He hadn't noticed her wedding band. "So you two play soccer….on the same team. Do you ever fake your team mates or coaches out pretending to be the other twin? Or can they tell you two apart?"

"We used to be able to," said Bryan. "But I have a mole on my left cheek. That's the only way people can tell us apart. Once they find that out, we can't fool them."

"Yeah…and the mole didn't pop up until he was nearly three….until then, I had to paint one of Brad's toenails red so I could tell the difference," Woody said.

"Dad!" said Brad. "That's embarrassing…."

"Sorry." Woody glanced at his watch. "We need to go guys or you'll be late for the game. It's been nice seeing you again, Jordan. For the record, I'm glad Garret got you back as chief ME. It will be good working with you…it will seem like old times."

Jordan watched as he herded both boys through the door and into the elevator. His boys looked just like him…unruly hair and blue eyes. She shook her head and went back to work.


	3. Rings and Things

**Chapter Three**

Jordan sighed as she pulled her tired body out of bed and got ready to go to work. Half an hour on the treadmill, shower, coffee, dry wheat toast, get dressed and then climb into her Mercedes SUV. Her life in Boston was returning to what she remembered: practically living at the morgue.

Not that she minded. In one way it was nice to be alone…to sort out her thoughts. In another way, it just emphasized to her how lack of trust had driven her into solitude. A lonely place to be at times, especially since she no longer had Jon, but at least it was safe. And safety was what she craved….what she had to have now in order to live.

Dinner with Lily and Garret had been nice. It was good to see Lily again…she was every inch the blushing bride-to-be. Happy. Excited. And in love with her fiancé. She was no longer working at the morgue. In Jordan's absence, she had gone back to college and gotten her master's degree in counseling and was working in a school. She was very content and was delighted to see Jordan again.

Jordan wished things were going as well between her and her employees.

She had always been a workaholic. Driven. A perfectionist concerning her work. But her job in DC had pushed even that up a level. It had required her to develop a sense of self-discipline far beyond anything she thought she was capable of. It has also caused her to cultivate a detached affability in order to be effective in her job.

It had been difficult becoming a federal inspector. The national morgue community, as a whole, was relatively small. Not too many doctors want to cut up dead people for a living. Most of the morgues she had to inspect employed people she had known professionally or at least heard of. It had taken a long time to convince these people that just because she was their acquaintance or their friend, that didn't mean she wouldn't write them up and fine them if they were doing something wrong.

The federal government was urgently set on making sure crime labs and morgues were performing tests in a uniform manner….evidence was being handled correctly….there had been too many debacles in the press and in the courtrooms over these situations. It had started with the Rodney King case years ago….hurdled through the OJ Simpson case…. even the Scott Peterson case and countless ones since. Jordan shared that sense of urgency. She was a passionate believer in the truth, even if the truth didn't always set you free.

It was this ability to be detached, yet professional, that had prompted Garret to ask her back to Boston. She could remain friendly, but yet there was no question in her demeanor who was in charge. She was. She was also still the best in the medical examiner's field. As far as Garret was concerned, the Boston morgue had landed the most outstanding chief ME in the nation.

Jordan wished she could be so sure. Some of the staff, especially the employees that had been there when she was just an assistant chief ME, were having a difficult time acclimating to her as their boss. Namely Bug and Nigel. She had wrongly assumed Garret had told them of her hiring before she arrived in Boston. And it wasn't that they were resentful of her position.

They just expected it to be like old times…chasing down leads together…doing work that really was the police's job….thumbing their noses at DAs, judges, and warrants…or the lack thereof.

But it wasn't like old times. She had grown…changed…matured….and finally respected the police's position in an investigation. That had taken a long time to happen…but painfully, it did.

And Bug and Nigel were having a hard time accepting it. They didn't know how to deal with how much she had changed….that she was married….or that sense of detached affability she wore around her like a garment in order to do her job effectively. In the months that had followed her hiring, she had tried to make them realize this was how it had to be…she could be their friend, but their relationship couldn't be like it was before. She was now more than their coworker. She was their boss.

When they caught wind of where she was now living, that had driven a wedge even further between them. "Now that you've got a little money, love, you're too good for your old friends, eh?" Nigel had questioned.

"Too good for a beer and pool with your mates at the Pogue…" Bug had shaken his head over her.

That wasn't the case at all. Going back to her father's bar, even though she still owned it, was far too painful for her. A management company handled everything for her now concerning the Pogue. She had tried to go in and have a beer after she had returned to Boston. The day she had found her new house….to celebrate. But she couldn't. As soon as she got to the door, she saw her father everywhere. Swallowing hard, she had backed away and left. She hadn't gone back to his grave since she buried him, although she had flowers delivered there regularly.

She paused to buy another cup of coffee at the coffee shop in front of the morgue. Then gripping her briefcase just a little more tightly, she took the elevator up to the sixth floor.

* * *

He had heard the rumors. He had heard through friends and co-workers how much she had changed. He didn't believe it at first…then decided to find out for himself. True to Nigel's word, she was there before the rest of the morning staff arrived…and stayed later than anyone else. She was still the best damn ME he had ever worked with.

But it wasn't just her work ethic he was observing. It was her. The total person. He knew how to read people….hell, he was a homicide detective. He was nearly perfect at it. Jordan had changed. Drastically. He knew how. She was colder, harder, edgier than he ever dreamed she could be. And it wasn't the "wall" she had put up around herself years ago to keep people from hurting her. Even with that in place, she had allowed some folks inside her inner circle as her friends. In the past, he counted himself as one of the lucky few.

But this wasn't just a wall. It was a shell. A hard, armor-plated shell she had built around herself. She was determined to keep the morgue staff and detectives further away than even arms length. It seemed she wasn't letting anyone get close to her. What was worse, she seemed to realize that this was what she wanted. It wasn't a subconscious act. She was doing it deliberately.

His question was why. And had this behavior propelled her to Boston without her husband? Had that man finally gotten tired of it and left? As months passed and the other half of the McDermont couple didn't show up or call, Woody had put two and two together and decided Jordan was either separated or divorced, despite the fact she still wore her wedding band and engagement ring. He figured maybe it was Jordan's weird way of doing penance or something.

However, since his detectives would be working with her, and she was reporting to his boss, the DA, Woody had to know what was going on…why was she like this and what made her this way. Tentatively he made his way from the break room where he had been observing her comings and goings to her office. He briefly read the name plate on her door before entering: _Dr. Jordan C. McDermont, Chief Medical Examiner_. He knocked.

"Come in," her soft voice replied to the noise.

"Morning. You're here early."

She looked up, surprised to see him in her doorway. She had only run into Woody a few times since she had taken over as chief ME. Self consciously, she looked down at her desk. "There's a lot to do…death never takes a holiday, you know."

Woody gave her a smile. "Yeah…but _this_ early Jordan?"

Puzzled, she looked at him. "What time is it?"

"Six-thirty. AM. Don't you have a watch?"

She glanced at her right wrist. "No. I quit wearing one a long time ago. Time doesn't matter a lot to me personally anymore. If I have to know, I look at my cell phone. But I guess it is kind of early," she finished, somewhat sheepishly. "How are Brad and Bryan?"

"Good. They're doing well. It's crazy for them right now…soccer season and school. There's always something going on."

"I can imagine. I was sorry to hear about Julie, Woody. I didn't know anything about what happened until I came back…I am so sorry." Her voice carried a sincere note of sympathy.

"Thanks." He looked down at his now ringless left hand. He had taken his wedding band off several years earlier. Not because he was ready to date anyone…he wasn't…and with the twins, he didn't have the time. It had just been time to move on. Julie would have wanted it that way. "I still miss her, you know? Some days…some days are just harder than others…."

"I know…" Again, the note of sincerity. Woody figured it had to do with her emotions stemming from her father's death.

"So what about you, Jordan? Everyone has said you're first here in the morning, and last to leave at night. What's up with that?"

"You know me, Woody," she rose from her desk and moved to the other side of the room to use the copier. "I'm an incurable workaholic."

She was avoiding him…and he knew it. But he needed to find out her frame of mind. His detectives needed to know and deserved to know what kind of woman they were now working with. He did, too.

"Do you expect everyone to be that way that works with you?" he asked, coming over to her side, blocking the door of her office in doing so. She wasn't going to run from him. He had to get her to talk to him…regardless of how she felt. But so far, the professional veneer wasn't breaking.

"No…this is my own private hell," she joked, giving him a crooked grin.

He waited a beat. Then he went for the jugular. "Then what about your husband, Jordan? What does he think of all the hours you're working? How's he coping?"

Jordan nervously twisted the rings on the finger of her left hand. She knew someone would eventually ask. She just had hoped it wouldn't be Woody. Looking down at the hand in question, she softly replied, "He doesn't know, Woody. I'm a widow. Jon died two years ago."


	4. Lunch and a Soccer Game

**Chapter Four**

"Jordan…I am so sorry…I had no idea…" Woody nearly stammered over the words. _Did Garret even know? And if he did, why the hell didn't the man say anything?_ Woody felt like a heel, especially when he noticed the tears building up in Jordan's eyes as she reached for a tissue off her desk.

"It's okay. Like you said…some days are better than others….and other days just honestly suck."

"How…how long had you two been married before….."

Jordan cleared her throat and got her emotions under control. Jon would be proud at the way she was conducting herself. One of his biggest fears was that she would dissolve in grief after his death….lock herself away and not come out for anything or anybody. "We would have been married seven years when he died."

"I don't guess there are any children?" The question popped out of Woody's mouth before he could think about it. _Great going, Hoyt_, he told himself as he noticed a second spasm of pain momentarily contort Jordan's face.

"No….unfortunately not. Jon had a prolonged illness that prevented us from having children," she replied, nearly strangling over the words.

"Jordan…I am so sorry….I don't know what to say…"

"Just…don't say anything, Woody. You know as well as I do how hard it is to lose the spouse that you love. You loved Julie…I loved Jon. You have the comfort of two adorable, little boys. Hold them close and let their love carry you when you don't feel you can go any further. From what I can tell, you're doing a great job with them."

Woody was silent a moment, taken somewhat aback at the wisdom of her words. And the compliment. Again her voice was sincere. She meant it. "But what about you, Jordan….how are you making it through all of the pain?"

She looked away for a moment. She had known when they married Jon couldn't give her children….there was no way she could get have his child, even through other procedures such as artificial insemination. And with his serious illness, she was loathe to bring a child into their lives by adoption. But there had been other things that made life bearable. "I have my work….and the memories of a man that truly loved me….and that I loved in return." Her voice sounded almost wistful…it was obvious she had loved her husband very much…..and missed him badly. "And all the earthly comforts being Mrs. Edward Jonathan McDermont could bring."

Woody gasped. "Edward McDermont? You are…were….Edward McDermont's wife? But you called him Jon…"

"Everyone called him Jon that knew him on a personal level. His family. Close friends. Me. Some of his constituents."

Woody's mind was still churning. Not only was Jordan a widow. Jordan was the Honorable Senator Edward Jonathan McDermont's widow…senator from the great state of Texas. The man was a legend…both in Texas and in the United States Senate. He had been born in Texas and spent nearly thirty years in the senate, running unopposed for the last six terms. He was a political institution, conservative in politics and in nature. And older than Jordan. A lot older. By how much…twenty…twenty-five years? More? Somehow it didn't make sense. But she had plainly loved him. Very much.

He remembered hearing about the senator's death on television. He had a lingering illness ….the media said it was cancer. So Jordan had to endure the slow agony of watching her husband die…did she know he was sick when they got married? He had absent-mindedly watched the funeral on television, noting like a lot of people, the younger, slender, good-looking widow that stood by the coffin. But Jordan had worn the traditional widow's reeds and veils that were appropriate for politician's wives to wear in mourning. He wasn't able to see her face clearly on TV. He imagined no one really did. Had she done it on purpose?

"I'm sorry, Jo….I didn't mean to upset you….I just…well, I have a lot of detectives depending on you and your morgue….I had heard you had changed a lot since you left Boston…"

"And you had to know what my frame of mind was…I know the drill, Woody. I've been here before and I'm not stupid. I'm a workaholic….and I'm trying to maintain professionalism in this office while not sacrificing friendships….and it's a difficult balancing act. But I'm not driving anyone to work as hard as I do. Right now, working is helping me cope."

He nodded. "I understand….really. If there's anything I can do…"

"There isn't. Have a good day, detective." She turned away from him and went back to her desk, dismissing him in the process. He walked to the door and paused, giving her one more look….She was lovely in her black business suit and white blouse…but it emphasized the dark circles under her eyes and the slenderness of her frame…as usual, her hair was pulled back into a twist. He frowned before he pulled away from her office door. There was still something she wasn't telling him…he could read it in her body language. She wasn't telling him now.

But she would.

* * *

"Thanks for meeting me on such short notice, Garret," Jordan said, dropping into the seat across from him at the Pogue.

"Not a problem. Lily has her fitting today for her wedding dress…it's total chaos at the house. I had to get out of there. I still wish I could talk her into going to Vegas or Atlantic City…even Gatlinburg for our wedding."

Jordan grinned. "I know what you mean."

"Was your wedding this crazy?"

A brief cloud passed over Jordan's eyes. "No… neither Jon nor I wanted a big wedding. It just didn't make sense…I had no family and he didn't either. He had a close friend that was a judge and that guy married us in Jon's living room. Just the two of us."

"Sounds quiet."

"It was. Nice and quiet….and personal."

Garret looked wishful….Jordan gripped his wrist. "You'll get through this. Remember this is Lily's first wedding….you've been through this before. Cut her some slack."

Garret nodded. "I'm just waiting for the honeymoon."

"Then just keep that goal in mind…and everything else will fall into place."

The waitress came and took their order. Jordan sat back in her seat. "So what gives, Jordan?" Garret asked. "What do you need help with? You sounded kind of destitute on the phone."

"Yeah. I know. I'm just having a hard time with some of the staff."

"Bug and Nigel?"

"Mainly….I can't make them see that this can't really be like old times. Even if I came back as just as assistant ME, it still couldn't be like it was years ago. I've changed too much."

"I thought they may act this way. I can tell you what's going to happen, because it happened to me when I became chief ME after Yokura."

"What?"

"Don't you remember? Everyone was used to having me as their pal… a morgue buddy…then we had several cases come up where I had to stand my ground and play hardball by the book. You all hated me for two weeks. Then it happened. You accepted me back as your friend, when you realized I had to do what I had to do….but you also accepted and respected me as boss because I stood up to you."

Jordan nodded. "I remember. I thought you had sold out to the dark side."

Garret chuckled. "No…I just knew I'd have to answer to the DA. It will happen to you, too, if it hasn't started already. Just stand your ground, Jo."

She sighed and propped her elbows on the table. "I hope it happens soon. Nigel and Bug think I'm a snob now….I don't associate with them all the time…I live in Beacon Hill….and I work constantly."

Garret looked at her evenly. "Do they know?"

"No."

"They know nothing at all?"

"No…the opportunity hasn't come up to tell them. And it needs to be the right moment. I don't want their sympathy. I want their understanding."

"Do you want them to know everything?"

Jordan's face paled. "No…" she whispered. "No one but you and Jon ever did. I'd like for it to stay that way."

Garret smiled and nodded. "Does anyone know anything?"

She bit her lower lip before replying. "I told Woody I was a widow." Garret shot her a surprised look. "It came out in conversation. We were talking about personal stuff…his boys and I told him how sorry I was to hear about Julie…and it came out."

Garret nodded. The bell over the door jingled and they both looked to see who had come in. "Speak of the devil," he mumbled. Woody had come in with both of his boys to eat lunch. Once again, the children were dressed in soccer uniforms. The waitress sat the family across from her and Garret.

"Dr. McDermont," one of the boys said, waving to her. "Hi."

"Hello…" she paused to look closely at the child's face. There was no mole on the left cheek. "Brad."

"Oh, you're good…you remembered," Woody said, as his boys greeted Garret.

"I see there's another soccer team on the agenda today," she said.

"Yeah," answered Bryan. "We've got a game and then a birthday party at Celebration Station."

Jordan gave Woody a puzzled look. "Celebration Station?"

"It's a two story game room complete with pizza parlor. Think of it as a migraine within four walls."

She chuckled. "Oh, the joys of parenting…."

"Hey, Dr. McDermont…are you doing anything after you've finished eating lunch with Dr. Macy?" asked Bryan.

"No…"

"Then why don't you come to our soccer game? It's at the park down the street, and it only lasts an hour or so…."

"Yeah," chimed in Brad. "I get to play goalie this time. You could watch us play…that is if you want to."

Jordan thought for a minute. It was a nice day….the paperwork at the morgue would be there on Monday. And it beat rattling around in that big house of hers all by herself. "Sure boys. I'd love to."


	5. Edward Jonathan McDermont

**Chapter Five**

She cheered the boys on that afternoon, clapping loudly and yelling whenever they had the ball. "You look like you do this all the time," Woody said.

"Well…when Jon was back in Texas from the Senate, we went to a lot of neighborhood games and small town events…it was fun. I guess I got more used to it than I thought I did."

"It's hard to imagine you as a senator's wife, Jordan. You've always been so….anti-political."

She smiled and made sure her sunglasses covered her eyes. "If it had been any other man….any other senator….I couldn't have done it. But Jon was different. He was my anchor….he was there for me through some pretty dark times…I made sure I was there for him when he needed me to be. And the work was rewarding. However, if you think that I was a traditional politician's wife, you're wrong on that count. I still worked as a federal inspector. Most senators' wives don't work."

"So you were the exception to the rule?"

"I broke the rules and the mold, Woody." Somehow he could see her doing that. There was that much of the old Jordan left. But he had no time to pursue that thought. The horn had just blown to announce the end of the game. His boys' team had won.

"Congratulations…good game," she told Brad and Bryan. "You've got some serious moves going on out there."

"Thanks Dr. Dermont," they both said in unison.

"Jordan. Please, call me Jordan."

"Okay, Jordan," Brad said, smiling up at her, looking so much like his dad she had to grin back. Of the two boys, Brad had taken to her the fastest. Bryan seemed to be shyer…a little more like Julie.

"Boys, go get changed so we can go to Shane's birthday party. And make sure you remember to bring your uniforms out with you this time. I don't want to have to come back over here tonight andhave to bribe someone to let us back in the locker rooms like I did last week."

"Yes, Dad," they said over their shoulders as they walked off to shower and change.

"Thanks for coming Jordan. I think it meant a lot to them. I know you probably had other things you needed to be doing."

"No. I didn't. And I did enjoy it. I wasn't pulling your leg earlier. Although I'm a little surprised at soccer. I always pegged you for a football man myself."

Woody chuckled. "I was…until it was my kids out on the field …. And could be potentially mowed under by a huge quarterback three times their size. There wasn't enough pads and bubble wrap in the world…"

* * *

"Brad….what do you think of Dr. Der…I mean Jordan?" Bryan asked his twin as they were changing.

"I think she's cool….and pretty," he replied, throwing their soccer gear into their gym bag.

"Think she and dad would ever date?"

"Dad? Are you kidding? He's never dated…I don't think he knows anything about girls."

"Well…he must have at one point….he married Mom, didn't he?

"Yeah. Say Bryan, do you even remember Mom?"

"Not a lot…just little bits here and there."

Brad shook his head. "Me, too."

They slung their gym bags over their shoulders and walked out to the parking lot. Their father was still talking to Jordan, as she was climbing in her car. A convertible. A red convertible. It was a beautiful day and she had decided to take her car instead of the Mercedes SUV. Brad sighed. "When I get old enough, I'm going to marry her."

"One of us needs to. Look at that car."

* * *

Jordan sighed and sank down into her garden tub. After the boys' game, she had gone to her home on Beacon Hill instead of back to the office. It was Saturday and she promised Jon that she wouldn't ever work late on weekends unless it was an emergency. She smiled softly at his memory as she adjusted herself to a more comfortable position. Jon had worried about her so much, especially when his time to go got close. He was concerned that she would either lock herself away somewhere and not come out or get so caught up in her work that she would forget to take care of herself.

That anxiety got worse with him toward the end of his life, as taking care him grew to take more and more of her time. "I hate being your burden," he had told her.

"Jon, you're no burden," she always replied.

And he wasn't. After everything Jon had done for her…the way he had taken care of her in her darkest hour….he was no burden. He was more like her knight in shining armor…rescuing her from a really awful place in her life. She had known he was ill when they married and she wouldn't have him long. But she had wanted to take care of him with the same love and concern he had taken care of her.

She had loved the man. Deeply. He knew that. He knew that once he was gone, she may have a difficult time coping. That was why he encouraged her to keep her job as a federal inspector after their marriage and not become a typical senator's wife. "Jordan," he had told her, one night shortly after they were married…they had just come back from a dinner at the White House, and she had been somewhat shocked she was one of the few women in the room that had a salaried job, "our situation is unique by even the most outrageous definition in the book. Keep your job. I know you. When I'm gone…it will keep you sane. And another thing, girlie," –he'd always call her that in playful moments – "when I am gone and beneath that Texas soil, don't you stay in Washington any longer than you have to. That town will end up killing you, too. Get out. If you don't want to go back to Boston, go to Texas. They love you there."

She had always followed his advice. Not because she couldn't think for herself, but there was a time in her life when she was incapable of even making the decision of what to wear that day. Jon had to nearly completely take over her life, but he had always made decisions with her best interests at heart. His advice had always been sterling…from work matters to financial matters to the issues of her heart. So when the call from Garret came and he asked her to return to Boston, she didn't have to think twice. She remembered Jon's words.

She let the water out of her tub, dried off, and donned her robe. Padding downstairs to fix her a light supper, she hoped that Jon had been right. She hoped that Boston wouldn't eat her alive this time and spit her out. Of course, anything it dished out would be better than what happened to her in DC. She glanced down at her legs peeking out of the bottom of her robe. The scars were gone - on her legs, arms, chest, and back – they had all been medically erased. Jon had seen to it. Only the best reconstructive surgeons at Walter Reed had worked on her. And they had truly performed magic.

If only they could have reconstructed her memory bank to forget….then it would have really been a miracle.


	6. Conflict at the Morgue

**Chapter Six**

Case after case, they started to pour in the morgue…body after body….Jordan was afraid to keep count, although Woody and Nigel did. There was a serial murderer in Boston – one who savagely raped and then murdered his young female victims….very young victims. The oldest Jordan had seen come through the morgue was seventeen.

This perp was nothing short of savage…violating the girls' young bodies before strangling them to death. But he was also nothing short of meticulous. He would wash the bodies after the crime, erasing nearly all traces of evidence and DNA. His offenses were not done in the heat of passion, either. They were thought out in great detail…he would lure the girls to a place he was comfortable with, perform the felony, clean the body – even scraping under the fingernails, wrapher in plastic, and then dump her somewhere for the police to find.

Despite of all her work as a federal inspector, Jordan had never seen anything like it. She was determined to produce all the evidence her office could come up with to the Boston PD as soon as she could so they could catch this twisted individual.

She was pushing her staff hard…she knew it…but this case, involving young girls, was turning her stomach. Even when she went home, she didn't sleep well. She couldn't get the victims out of her head. She was having Nigel and Bug run and re-run tests and trace. She was double checking autopsies.

"You know, Jordan, money can't buy answers," Nigel said to her one day after she had questioned him one more time about evidence.

Her patience wearing thin from this case and lack of sleep, she had snapped back, "But it can buy equipment to produce answers."

"And you can't get evidence if the evidence isn't there," Nigel retorted…the tension in the lab was building. Nigel had been barely civil to her since her return to Boston. Jordan wasn't sure exactly why, although she suspected. Nigel was having a difficult time accepting her as his boss….but more than that, he wasn't dealing well with how much she had changed. She was quieter, worked longer hours….took little time for herself….and sometimes seemed so lost in thought he would have to call her name sharply to bring her back to reality. Especially since these recent cases had popped up.

"We're working just as hard as you are on it," he continued, nearly glaring at her. "Just because you don't have a life outside this morgue, doesn't mean we don't….that we don't have other obligations. We don't have a household staff on Beacon Hill taking care of things for us." His eyes were bloodshot. Jordan knew he had lost sleep over this, too. No one liked it when children and teenagers were brought into the morgue….it just wasn't a natural way of life. But still his comments cut her to the heart. Nigel had no idea what her life was like…not that she had filled him in on anything. She couldn't get mad at him for something he didn't know.

She sighed and leaned against the door frame. "I know. I know, Nige. And I'm sorry for pushing you so hard. I just want….just need answers. And this damn perp isn't giving us a centimeter to work with." She pulled away from the door and spun on her heel to go back to her office. "Just…just call me when you get some answers. And don't plan on leaving today until you do." She slammed the lab door as she left to walk back to her office. She slammed her office door, too.

"Who the hell does she think she is?" asked Bug, who had remained quiet during the confrontation.

"The bloody chief medical examiner from hell," Nigel muttered under his breath. "I don't know what has happened to her while she was away from Boston. I don't know if the cushy DC job went to her head or the money she obviously made inflated her ego. I just wish she'd get over it. This is Boston…not Washington."

"And you should be glad for yourself that she's not in DC any longer," Woody said quietly from the doorway on the other side of the room. He had overheard most of the conversation. He had definitely heard Nigel's last remark. "The DA is singing this morgue's praises all over the news for its handling of the case. The news asked Jordan for a comment this morning about the case and how the staff was dealing with it, and all she did was tell everyone how well and hard you were working on it. She said nothing about herself. The hours she's put in…the sleep she's obviously lost. I'm not sure even Macy could have handled this case as well as she has."

"You're prejudiced, mate. You used to be bloody in love with her."

"Used to be. But I married Julie. And that was a long time ago and has nothing to do with the present. However, since you think your boss is a bit of a snob and difficult to get along with, I'll let you in on a little secret." Woody closed the door behind him as he walked over to Nigel's desk. "The reason Jordan is here so early and stays so late….the reason she drives herself so hard…is that she has nothing to go home to."

"I know that, mate. When Mr. McDermont didn't follow the lass to Boston, we figured out she had either run again, separated from her husband, or divorced him. Or was divorced by him. God knows I couldn't live with her like she is now…."

"No. You don't know or understand anything, Nigel. Jordan didn't run. And she's not separated or divorced. Jordan's a widow."

Nigel swallowed hard. "A…widow? But she's said nothing…and she still wears her rings."

"Yeah, I know. She's been a widow barely two years. She doesn't tell many people because she doesn't want their sympathy. She wants their understanding. And she loved her husband very much. Every time she mentions him, you can tell it. Either you see tears or you hear the affection in her voice. I have a feeling Jordan was a very good wife to this lucky man. And by the way, her husband was the Honorable Edward Jonathan McDermont."

"The Senator Edward J. MacDermont?" Bug asked, his eyebrows raised in question.

"The very same," answered Woody. "So before you _condemn_ her for the money she has…that has bought her a few earthly things to comfort her lonesome soul, just remember, she paid a high price for it. Let her enjoy what pleasures these things can bring her…God knows, and I know, what it has cost her." Woody opened the door, slammed it behind him and walked around to Jordan's office. Nigel and Bug were left looking at each other with their mouths hanging open.

* * *

Woody tapped lightly on Jordan's door before opening it and sticking his head in. "Are you all right?" he asked. Jordan was holding her head in her hands.

"Hmmmm…Yeah, just a headache… you know…not enough sleep, too much caffeine…"

He walked over to her desk, sat on the side of it, and gently lifted her chin. He could have swore he felt her flinch just a little, but soon put the thought out of his mind when he saw the tears in her eyes. "Damn….I'm sorry, Jordan….I was coming around the corner and overheard what Nigel said." He reached over, got a tissue and handed it to her. "Look….everyone here is over worked and overwrought by this case. Nothing more can be done today. Let them go. Nigel was right in one aspect….you can't produce evidence when none is there."

"But we need to catch this guy before he does this again."

"I know. And we will catch him…he'll slip up somewhere along the way and I'll be there when he does. Meanwhile….everyone needs some sleep. Including you. Go home, Jordan." He noticed her expression. He had used that phrase with her before…years ago before she left for DC. He had only used it when he was extremely annoyed with her and wanted her out of his hair. That wasn't the case now, but he did want her to get some rest. "Please?" he continued, trying to soften his comment.

She wiped the tears away with the back of her hand and picked up the phone, buzzing Nigel's and Bug's office. "Hey. It's me. I'm sorry. You're right, Nigel. We can't come up with anything to help the police tonight. Go home and get some rest. I don't want to see you or Bug back here until you've gotten at least eight hours of quality sleep. No. Don't apologize. It's my fault. This case has just got us all jumpy. Thanks. I'll see you Monday. And I promise I'll be a better boss." She hung up and reached for her pocketbook. Woody helped her with her coat.

"I hope you are planning on doing the same thing you told Bug and Nigel to do," he said softly in her ear.

"I'm going to try. It's just hard to distance myself from these types of cases."

"I know…I remember."

"So are you going home to your boys now, detective?" She walked with him to the elevators and they both punched the lobby button.

"Yeah…but I can't rest until I find a babysitter for this weekend."

"Hot date?"

Woody grimaced. "No. I haven't dated any since Julie died. Been too busy with the kids. No. I just found out I need to work some this weekend on this case. I've got to call Mrs. Harris and see if she can watch them….the boys aren't too fond of her, but at least I can leave them and not worry….Brad calls her ….well, never mind what Brad calls her. I thought I had raised him with better manners."

Jordan chuckled. She hadn't been around the boys much, but from what she could tell, that while both boys strongly resembled their father, Brad was the most like him in personality….a charmer, a talker, outgoing and friendly. Bryan was more like what she remembered Julie being…quieter, more reserved, introspective, and a bit of a dreamer and introvert. She no longer needed to look and see who had the mole on the left cheek. She could tell them apart. She was always surprised that other people had difficulty with it. Suddenly she realized she would like to keep the boys. "Woody…I'll keep them for you."

"Jordan…no, you've got this case riding your back."

"I have the weekend off…and Bug and Nigel would probably appreciate it if I didn't come in. I think the tension is still a bit much. They can reach me by phone if something comes up. And if I have to leave, my housekeeper, Mrs. Kimble is there. She's a grandmother…she likes kids. So, please….I'm begging. It would take my mind off things for a while."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. Drop them by the house tomorrow morning on your way to work. You can pick them up Sunday when you get off. Let them bring their bathing suits. I have an enclosed pool. I promise I'll take excellent care of them. Jon and I had his nieces and nephews stay with us most of the summer. I have excellent credentials. I can even supply references. I also know CPR…."

"Okay…okay. I'll have them at your house tomorrow morning at 8:30. Is that okay?"

She smiled. "It's great."


	7. Babysitting Revelations

**Chapter Seven**

Woody rang Jordan's front door promptly at 8:30 the next morning, two excited boys in tow. A quick scan of the outside of her home told him two things: She had come a long way from her former, tiny apartment on Pearle St., and she had the latest security system installed.

The first made him happy for her. The second alarmed him. The Jordan he knew had never been too security conscious…but this Jordan obviously was….there were cameras, alarms on the windows and doors, all hard-wired to the police station, he'd bet. He knew the state of Massachusetts hadn't armed even the chief of police's residence like this, so it wasn't mandated by her position. Maybe she had become more security conscious as the wife of a senator? Maybe Jon had made her promise to always have such a system?….Maybe…

The door opened and an older lady greeted them. "Good morning…I'm Mrs. Kimble. You must be Detective Hoyt. Dr. McDermont is expecting you. She's in the study." She paused and looked at the twins. "And you must be Brad and Bryan. I've looked forward to meeting you. Dr. McDermont has told me all about you."

They followed the woman into the foyer and to the left. "Okay boys," Woody whispered. "Best behavior, huh?"

The boys nodded, their eyes big. The house was huge by their standards. The woman led them through the foyer to two large open doors on the left. "Dr. M….your guests are here. Woody watched as Jordan hung up the phone and came out from behind a huge desk…one he would bet had once belonged to her late husband. A huge portrait of him hung over the fireplace. "Hey guys…how are you?"

"Jordan, you didn't tell me you lived in a museum…" Woody joked, obviously a little nervous about leaving the boys here…there was more china, crystal, and artwork than he had ever seen outside the velvet ropes that surrounded something on display. This room was lined with old law books…the fire place was at one end of the room and the desk flanked the other. There were windows on the far side that reached nearly from the ceiling to the floor and overlooked a meticulously kept garden. Jordan had obviously developed a fondness for flowers. There were fresh flowers on her desk and in the entrance way.

"It's not a museum…it's my home. And there's nothing here they can hurt and nothing that can't be replaced. So we're going to have fun, huh?"

The boys nodded, still obviously nervous. Mrs. Kimble tried to relieve their discomfort. "Have you had breakfast? I have some chocolate chip pancakes, with whipped cream, if you'd like…"

"Oh boy," whispered Bryan, still in awe… "I'd love some."

"Eat….and then we'll swim or whatever you'd like," Jordan called as they followed her housekeeper to the kitchen.

"Jordan…they're not used to this. You're going to spoil them."

"I hope so. Spoil them rotten and give them back to you. That's my agenda for the weekend." She grinned at Woody mischievously. Sometimes she seemed so much like the old Jordan he nearly breathed a sigh of relief.

"Well, just know what you're getting yourself into. They'll end up wanting to stay with you all the time."

"I don't mind. I like kids….I always had a good time with Jon's nieces and nephews," she began, but her voice trailed off. Woody had a feeling that Jordan had wanted children of her own, but Jon's health had never allowed it. Deep down inside, he hoped she could meet someone that would give her what her heart desired. A thought fluttered through his mind that maybe it could be him. He just as quickly dismissed it. What did he have that he could possible give her…that would be attractive to her? He was a lieutenant with the Boston PD. He made a decent salary, but nothing that could obviously even put a comma in her checkbook. Plus he was a widower with twin boys. She could be his friend, certainly. His lover again, maybe. Anything more? _Pipe dream, Hoyt. She's in the big league now…and way out of yours_.

"I'll be back to pick them up tomorrow evening about six. I did put their homework in their bags…it's some reading and some math. I told them to do it before I got back."

"I'll make sure it's done. Honestly, I will," she said, noting his surprised look. "I'm very responsible. Besides, you'll be too tired to deal with it. Just don't worry. I have everything under control."

"You know I always have worried whenever you've told me that…."

"That was then. This is now. Good-bye detective," she grinned as she walked him to the door.

"If they give you any trouble…."

"They won't. Now go catch the bad guy and make my day."

* * *

Jordan sat back in her pool chair and watch the boys play. As soon as they had finished eating the chocolate chip pancakes, they had made a beeline for their bedroom and changed into their swim trunks. Jordan had just as quickly changed into her modest one-piece and led them to the pool. "You two know how to swim, right?"

"Yeah," they both said.

"Swim lessons at the Y. Dad made us," said Brad, making a face.

"Three summers in a row," added Bryan. "Talk about boooorrrring."

Jordan laughed and climbed in the pool with them. Half-way down the steps, she paused and took the clip out of her hair. It fell to her waist in chestnut waves.

"You should wear your hair down like that," Brad commented.

"That's rude," Bryan shot back. "I'm gonna tell…"

"It's not rude. Her hair is pretty. And I like it down."

Jordan chuckled. "Thank you. And don't tell your father. Brad was expressing an opinion. I wear my hair up to keep it out of the way when I'm working….I guess it's just a habit…"

She had swam and played with them a while, before leaving them to play Marco Polo without her. She settled down to watch them from behind her sunglasses. Brad was definitely Woody reincarnate. Bryan was a lot like his father, too, but had more of his mother's temperament. Jordan inwardly sighed. Julie. Woody's wife. The boys' mother.

Ever since she had met the twins, she had been struck with the thought that if the scores had been settled differently, the boys could be hers and Woody's. She could be their mother. And Woody's wife. But that wasn't meant to be.

Not after the Clemons case. She and Woody had fought toe-to-toe over that case. Everything she did, he had painfully scrutinized to the tiniest detail. Looking back, she knew it wasn't the case. It was her.

He had asked her for an answer. He wanted to pursue a permanent relationship with her. He wanted to be her boyfriend...he was already her lover….now he wanted her to acknowledge that and move the relationship ahead again. They were already practically living together. More of his stuff had been in her apartment than at his. "I've been in Boston four years now," she remembered him saying. "I'm 32 years-old. I'm ready for a wife…and then a family."

His words had scared her…frightened her to no end. Everyone she loved had been taken away from her. Would Woody be next?

So she had balked. Told him she needed time to think. He had taken it totally the wrong way. That day, when she got home from work, all of his things were gone from the apartment. It was as if he had never even been there. He had left a note on the counter. _I'm giving you time and space…but I'm not going to wait forever. When you've decided what you want, let me know. Woody._

Two months later, someone had introduced him to Julie and they had started dating. Jordan didn't take it seriously at first. Whether it was her god-awful ego telling her there was no way he could want anyone but her, or her protective sense of self-denial, she wasn't sure…but as one month slipped by to two….and then suddenly two to six, next thing she knew, Woody and Julie were engaged.

She had gone to him then…but it was too late. He wouldn't even talk to her. "I gave you time and didn't hear one word from you. It's too late now. I'm not going to break an engagement with a woman I know for sure loves me in order to try to attempt a relationship with a woman who is too scared to know what she wants and can't make up her mind."

His words had cut her to the quick, but he had been right. She was immature, selfish, and stupid.

It was exactly a week after, that her father arrived back in Boston in a casket. She had buried her father and mourned her loss. Then the day that Julie walked down the aisle to become Mrs. Woodrow Wilson Hoyt, Jordan had caught a flight out of Boston to DC. Only Garret had known what she had done and why.

She had to start over.

She had to in order to survive.

And in the beginning, Washington had been very, very good to her. Then her world collapsed. She shifted restlessly in her chair. Thank God for Jon. If it hadn't been for him….she didn't even want to think about it.


	8. The Truth About the Marriage

**Chapter Eight**

The case of the serial murderer/rapist continued to twist its way through Jordan's life, consuming nearly every waking hour of her day and robbing her of much-needed sleep at night. And while her relationships with her morgue employees had gotten markedly better…they were working together as a team…Jordan's expectations for herself had gotten harsher. Woody could read it on her face…the worry lines…the dark circles beneath her eyes…the tightness between her shoulders. The signs were all there…this case was eating her alive.

And he was scared to death that she was going to burn herself out over it…become so unfocused on all her other obligations as a chief ME that she neglected them…and end up getting fired. He didn't want that. He wanted her in Boston until she decided to retire. He had to snap her out of it.

The opportunity presented itself when Jordan was the ME on duty the day the next victim was found. She answered Woody's call, showing up at the edge of a wooded area outside the city limits. Woody watched as she meticulously processed the scene, nearly barking orders at the morgue workers. From the expression on their faces and hers, he knew this case was dragging everyone down….but Jordan was once again oblivious to how her actions were affecting others….that much about her hadn't changed. If she thought she was in the right, heaven, hell, or God himself couldn't stop her. And nothing was stopping her now.

But he needed to. He had to.

"Jordan," he said to her quietly, after she had finished her work there and was getting ready to leave the scene. "Can I have a word with you?" He pulled her away from the other officers and morgue workers, out of hearing and viewing distance. "What is going on here?"

"We're processing a murder scene."

"No. With you. What's going on?"

"Nothing. Nothing's going on," she replied, somewhat puzzled.

Placing his hands on his hips, looking up toward the sky, and taking a deep breath, he replied, "I don't buy it."

"Don't buy what?"

"Don't play games with me, Jordan. I've known you too well and too long. If there's anybody left in Boston that knows what makes you tick, it's me. You're too tense. Too uptight even for this case, as horrible as it is. Look at yourself," he gestured to her, "even your hair is uptight." She was still wearing her hair pulled back in a twist.

"I am not," she quickly retorted, putting more force behind the words than she wanted to. "I'm just careful…thorough."

"You're too careful. The Jordan I remember wouldn't be so afraid to take risks…both personally and in solving a case. She could let her hair down, both literally and figuratively. She wouldn't lock herself away in a big house on Beacon Hill…she wouldn't have married an older man for financial security."

By the look of pain that shot across Jordan's face, he knew he had hurt her. He had gone too far...crossed the line. He didn't want to…but he had to snap her out of deep attachment to this case. He needed to stop now…but he was worked up and determined to bring her around somehow. "I mean, wasn't that why you really married Jon?"

His words were cutting her like razor blades. Stuffing back her emotions, setting her face rigid so he couldn't read the shock and hurt that was there, she backed away from Woody. "You know nothing…._nothing_…about it, or me….or Jon," she hissed, surprised herself by the tone of her voice.

"Really?" He closed the distance between them. "Then explain to me, Jordan…tell me….what happened to make you such a bitch? Maybe this will help loosen you up…it always did in the past." And before he could stop himself, he leaned down and kissed her. Hard. Giving her no room to run or reply, catching her by surprise and bruising her lips.

Gasping, she broke away, shocked by what had just happened between them. Turning quickly, she almost ran back to her SUV and drove blindly back to the morgue.

* * *

She worked her way through the rest of the day in a fog, automatically overseeing trace and doing the autopsy. She was thankful Nigel was assisting her. Jordan had no idea that Woody had told Nige that she was a widow…all she knew was that the Brit's attitude towards her had softened. He had apologized profusely to her for his behavior and cold words…she had told him not to worry….just be her friend. And he had. When it was over…when what little evidence they could gather was being processed for the police, she snapped off her gloves. "I think I'm heading home, Nigel. I'm tired."

Nigel glanced at the clock. It was barely four in the afternoon, but Jordan looked beat. This case was riding her hard…she was exhausted. She had also been in the morgue since God knows when this morning. Maybe she was coming to her senses and realizing she needed to cool off. "Sounds like a good idea, love. Go home and put your feet up. If there's anything wonky that happens here, I'll give you a call. Okay?"

"Sounds like a plan. Good night, Nige."

She drove back to her home, pulling in the gate and letting herself in the back door. Mrs. Kimble was in the kitchen. "Dr.M…you're home early. I haven't prepared dinner yet."

"That's okay, Mrs. Kimble. I'm honestly not hungry. Go ahead and leave for the day….if I want something to eat, I can fix myself a sandwich."

Mrs. Kimble eyed the young ME. She hadn't worked for Jordan long, but had developed a deep affection for the lonely young woman. She knew Jordan never went out…just worked and came home. Her circle of friends was so limited, the housekeeper would swear it was nonexistent. She knew Jordan was still mourning the loss of her husband….she must have loved him very much despite their age differences…many mornings when Mrs. Kimble went to make the bed, she found traces of tears on Jordan's pillowcase.

But never a sign of any man in the house. Ever. Not only was Jordan nearly friendless, she was also deliberately celibate …in every way. She never dated. Mrs. Kimble sighed as she gathered her things to leave, hearing Jordan make her way upstairs to the bathroom. The lady needed a life. She needed to know how it felt to live again. She was too young to shut herself off like this.

The shower washed away the fog Jordan had been in since her encounter with Woody. Tentatively, she touched her lips, wincing at their tenderness They were bruised. She hoped that it wouldn't show. Maybe some darker lipstick instead of her normal light-toned peach would cover the bruises. She dried off and changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt, and pulled her hair back in a clip. Padding downstairs to make sure Mrs. Kimble had left, she made herself a cup of coffee and curled up in a chair by the window in her study ….to think and look at her garden.

She knew what Woody was trying to do today…to get her to loosen up and take a step or two away from these cases….make her realize what they were doing to her. She knew it. But what he had said cut her to the quick. Not that she hadn't heard it before.

When she agreed to marry Jon, the talk in DC and in Texas had been that she was a gold digger…marrying an older man for his money. Nothing could have been further from the truth. She had her own money….she was paid very well as a federal inspector. Between that salary and her income from her father's bar, she had been well-off on her own. She had been the one to encourage Jon to draw up a prenuptial agreement. He had soundly refused. "My generation doesn't believe in that nonsense," he had said. "Girlie…you wouldn't harm a hair on my head…and I love yours too much to touch it. Let 'em talk. They'll soon find out the truth."

And they did. As the years went by without the couple divorcing, the talk died down some. Jordan was at Jon's side any and every time he needed her to be. Soon the love they had for each other clearly was seen. Then as his illness progressed and he grew sicker and sicker….and Jordan practically lived by his bedside, taking care of him. Her devotion to the senator had nearly elevated her to sainthood status in Texas. She pulled out all stops looking for a cure that wasn't out there yet….anything to prolong his life and ease his agony.

So Woody had been terribly wrong about the reasons she married Jon. It wasn't for financial security. Not a bit. It was for safety. Security from further harm. Jon protected her…and even in his death had made provision that she would always feel safe. Bodyguards when back in Texas or DC…top of the line security systems in her homes….the windows both in her house and cars were bullet proof.

No, she hadn't married Jon for his money….it was for her own safety. And that wasn't the only unconventional thing about their marriage. In exchange for her security, Jon had asked only for one thing. Her support during his re-election campaigns and to be his arm-trophy at dinners and such. She had gladly obliged. It was the least she could do after all he had done for her. She would be forever appreciative of the way he had literally saved her during the darkest period of her life.

No, their marriage wasn't a traditional romance. While there was deep abiding affection and even love on some level….it wasn't anything like Woody thought it was. It was a partnership. A friendship.

Truth was, she and Jon had never even slept together.


	9. Apologies and Questions

**Chapter Nine**

Woody paced his office for two hours before he finally caved into his conscience and called her office. Nigel said she had left about four….went home, she was feeling tired. Woody blew out a deep sigh. He had to do it. He had to go apologize to Jordan. The look of pain on her face haunted his thoughts. Despite the fact he had said what he did and kissed her even, for her own good, he felt awful. The look in her eyes…was it fear? Terror? Agony? He wasn't sure. He just knew he saw it everywhere he looked.

Wearily he got in his car and drove to her home. All the lights were off except for the ones he believed were in her study. Hesitating just a moment, he rang the doorbell. He was surprised when Jordan opened the door herself. He imagined he'd be filtered through Mrs. Kimble.

"Hi," she said softly.

"Hi yourself," he replied, his voice low, too. "Can I come in?"

She opened the door a little wider and he followed her into the study. "Would you like some coffee?" she asked. "I just made a fresh pot."

"No….I need to talk to you, Jo."

"Again? What is it this time, detective? Are you here to analyze my present love-life, too? Add more names to the term _bitch_?"

Woody's shoulders sagged and he ran a hand through his hair. He had hurt her. He knew it. "I'm sorry, Jordan. I came here to apologize. I had no right to say the things I did today. None. It's none of my business why you married Jon. I mean, it's obvious you did love your husband…"

She crossed her arms and stared him down for a minute. "You're right. It is none of your business why I married Jon. That's between him and me. And I did love him. I miss him a little more each day. It doesn't get any easier."

Woody looked down at his shoes. "I know. Believe me, I know. You live with it…but it doesn't get any easier. I didn't mean to hurt you this morning. I was just trying to snap you out of this case….the deep attachment you have for it. I mean, I know these types of cases have always had a grip on you…especially if they involve kids. I just needed to get you out of that funk so you could focus."

"I know. But what you said….and what you did….was completely uncalled for."

Woody glanced down at her lips…the bruising now slightly visible. "I'm sorry, Jordan. You're right. Everything I said and did was completely uncalled for. Please….accept my apologies. I really want us to be friends….the boys are crazy about you." _And I'm still pretty fond of you myself,_ he thought.

She smiled…a tiny one, but it was a smile. "It was bound to happen, Woody. Given our past….as former lovers….it was bound to happen. We've gotten older…we've both changed, but we're both still basically the same at the core. We work well together, but can set each other off because we still know what emotional buttons to push. We've just got to be careful….and realize that the past is in the past. We can't go back to what we have…or didn't have."

He felt she had hit him in the solar plexis and driven all the wind out of his body. She'd be his friend, and nothing more. All the budding hopes he had that they could be lovers again just went up in flames. Outwardly, he put on a stiff upper lip. "I couldn't agree more, Jordan. I'm glad we see it the same way." He looked at her again, this time more closely in the dim light of her study. He'd swear her lower lip was trembling. He was going to ask if she was okay…did she need anything, when his cell phone rang. Looking down at the caller ID, he saw it was his office. He flipped it open and listened for a moment. After replying, he shut it and stuck it back in its holder. "I've got to go now, Jordan. Work. Thanks for understanding…and again, I apologize."

"No worries," she said, trying to make her voice brighter as she showed him the door. She shut it behind him when he left, leaned against it and then slid to the floor, the tears flowing freely now. He was gone and she could cry. Sobbing, she realized that there was no one she could really talk to now in Boston. No one she can tell here. The only man who really knew her and what happened to her was six feet under Dallas soil. _I'm going to collapse inside myself…on myself…_she thought_. I almost feel like I'm doomed…especially with this case…am I totally losing it?_

* * *

They had to continue to work together on this case…Woody as the lieutenant with the homicide department and Jordan as the chief ME. In was inevitable. To Jordan's grateful amazement, Woody made no mention of the incident again.

But she never knew how closely he was watching her. Not for any slip up…she was too good at her job to make a blunder professionally….but for her own well-being. After he left her home that day, he reassessed her actions…what she had told him…and more importantly, what she _didn't_ tell him. There was something there. He knew it. He just couldn't pin point what it was that made her so terribly cautious with everything.

One of the most glaring changes in Jordan was the way she left her the morgue at night. In the past, she would walk out with a group into the parking deck, if there was one available. But if there were no people there, she never hesitated to sling her pocketbook over her shoulder and walk out by herself. She no longer did that. If she worked late and it was dark…and there was no one to walk out with, she'd call a security guard and wait for him to walk her out. Odd actions…for Jordan at least.

Normally, if it was an isolated behavior, he'd chalk it up to living too many years in Washington, DC. The crime rate there was higher than in Boston. But it wasn't just leaving the morgue at night that emphasized how much she had changed. That, coupled with the security system at her house….and the good look he had gotten at the bullet proof glass in her SUV the other day, all pointed to something more….something she wasn't telling him. He finally asked her one night when he walked her out to her car instead of the security guard, "What are you so afraid of, Jordan?"

She had laughed. "I guess it's just too many years in DC…and Dallas. You just can't be too cautious."

"Did being a senator's wife make you this safety conscious?

Jordan hesitated for just a moment too long. _That wasn't it either_, he thought, although she replied, "In a way…Jon's conservatism won him quite a number of enemies."

"Jordan…it's one thing to be aware of your surroundings…it's another thing to be entirely too cautious. And that's what you are…"

Wrong thing to say. Her bottom lip quivered for half a second. She got control of herself in a heartbeat. "Please…let's don't fight again.." her voice broke. "I'll do my best to change, detective. I really will. I promise." She had gotten in her car and drove off, not bothering to look back at him.

_What has made her change so much?_ Woody asked himself, all the while mentally kicking his own ass for nearly making her cry. _Something is just not adding up…_


	10. What Happened in DC

**Chapter Ten**

It did soon, though. It more than added up. Upon reflection a week later, to Woody's horror, it had multiplied. He soon found out why Jordan was acting so cautious. She had a reason to…a right to that kind of behavior.

It had started with yet another homicide call on the serial murderer/rapist. This time there were two victims. But things were different now. This time, the murderer had gotten sloppy. This time, one of the victims was still alive.

Jordan and Nigel were called into the murder scene. She had been on her way to the gym to try to work out and relieve some stress. She had gotten the call on her way to work out, doubled back and met Nigel and Woody at the scene. When she found out there was a live victim and they were waiting on an ambulance, Jordan left Nigel in charge of the body. "Take it back. Do autopsy and trace….let me know what you find."

"You're not going to do it?" Nigel had asked, somewhat incredulously.

"No. You're one of the best. You handle it. I need to be with the other girl." The other female victim, Lauren, was alive…and frightened. Woody had watched as Jordan went to her and talked to her…held her until the ambulance came. Lauren wouldn't let go of Jordan when the paramedics showed up. Without a thought, she had tossed her car keys to Woody and climbed into the ambulance with Lauren. Woody frowned. Jordan was seriously compromising his case.

At the hospital, the rape victim grew hysterical…especially when the doctors had to do a rape kit. She had clung to Jordan. "Can't you do it? Aren't you a doctor?" Jordan had turned to Dr. Weaver, the emergency room physician.

"Go for it, Dr. McDermont. You'd probably be better at it than we are…and besides, the victim already trusts you."

"Will that be okay with you, Lauren? I'll need Dr. Weaver for a few things…he's going to have to give you a couple of shots…and examine you…but I can do the kit."

Lauren grew hysterical again…and Woody really didn't blame her. The perp had left her a mess….beaten her….raped her…and had nearly strangled her to death, but something had scared him off before he could kill her. "Can't you examine me?" she had begged Jordan.

"I can't, sweetie….I'm not qualified to do that…but I'll stay with you and hold your hand. I promise." Jordan had calmed down the girl again….took her back into the room and did the rape kit. It had taken a long time….Jordan only proceeded with the each step of the kit as the young girl felt comfortable. Then she stayed with her as Dr. Weaver explained why she had to have certain injections and examined her. Jordan held her and calmed her down…to the point that after it was over, the girl was able to work with a police artist to produce a sketch of the murderer. Woody had sighed with relief. Jordan didn't compromise his case….she had just advanced it several, several steps.

When it was over, Jordan had given the young girl her own gym clothes from the bag in her car to wear home. The hospital had some sweat suits that they normally gave rape victims, as the victim's clothing had to be turned into the police to gather any forensic evidence…but they weren't attractive, and were much too big for the young girl. Jordan's clothes had fit her better and made things seem a little more normal. Woody watched Jordan as she helped the girl get ready to go home with her parents…she hugged Lauren and slipped the teenager her business card. "My cell phone and home phone is on the back. You call me…anytime…day or night…if you need me. I'm there for you. I understand."

Lauren had teared up again and hugged Jordan, before being led away by her parents.

"You were very good, Dr. McDermont," complimented Dr. Weaver. "Do you do this type of thing often?"

"No. Thankfully not. I was just in the right place at the right time."

"Good work. And thanks. You handled it a lot better than we do sometimes."

Jordan smiled and turned away from Dr. Weaver…and ran right into an unsmiling Woody. She swallowed hard. From the look in his eyes, he wasn't happy. Quickly, Jordan decided to get the upper hand. "Do you still have my keys?" she asked, her voice reflecting a cool, professional, impersonal tone."

Woody held them out and deposited them in her outstretched palm. "Your car is in the parking lot." Jordan closed her fingers around her keys and turned to go.

"Hey, Jo. Good work….despite the fact you nearly compromised the case," he called out.

She turned back to look at him. "I didn't compromise the case. I made sure of that, detective. Nigel is doing the autopsy on the other victim. I won't touch her."

"Thanks….and thanks for working with Lauren to get a sketch out of her…It's really going to help."

"I hope so, Woody. I'm ready for this guy to be behind bars. We all are." She turned to walk off again.

"Jordan." He had followed her….she could feel him standing right behind her….he was so close his breath was stirring the fine hairs around her ear. "Can I ask you something…why did you tell Lauren you understood how she felt…how could you possibly understand…."

"I'm a woman, Woody. Rape is always a woman's worst nightmare….we all kind of understand the place a rape victim is coming from."

"I'm not buying that, Jordan. Why?" He saw her set her jaw. She wasn't going to answer him. Suddenly needing to know more than he needed his next breath, he turned her roughly to face him. "Why Jordan? Why did you understand her so well….what she was going through?"

Still refusing to meet his eyes, she bit out the answer before she turned on her heel to leave.

"I was raped, Woody."

* * *

And rape was almost not enough to describe what had happened to Jordan. When Woody had gotten back to his office…after he had conferred with Nigel on the other victim and his homicide detectives on what they had found, he had gotten on the computer and began to research what exactly had happened to Jordan.

It had been brutal.

She had been raped, stabbed, and beaten. The hospital photos that accompanied the police report he had pulled from the Washington DC police station were horrific, to put it politely. Now suddenly everything clicked in Woody's mind. The reason she was so cautious. Why she probably married Jon. The reason she flinched whenever anyone touched her….especially him. He had felt her react to him…when he would put his hand on her back to lead her around a crime scene….when he would lift her chin to make her look him in the eyes. She was frightened…scared of intimacy on any level…That was probably the reason she had told him that what they had in the past had to stay in the past. She was too terrified to ignite that kind of passion again. Scared if him….scared of what her reaction to him would be.

It was overwhelming to Woody…that all this could happen to her and him not know it…not hear a word of it….That there had been no one in DC to protect her…not like he had in Boston.

Boston…he had run her out of it, he guessed…marrying Julie. But the questions in his mind lingered and wouldn't go away…. How did she cope then? How was she coping now? He had to know.

Reluctantly, but compelled by some inner force, he found himself driving once again to her house. After she had left the hospital, she had gone home…exhausted from her work…and from the emotions that everything had stirred up. He rang the doorbell. Mrs. Kimble greeted him. "Detective Hoyt?"

"I need to see Jordan, Mrs. Kimble."

"I believe Dr. M is ready to retire for the evening….I can tell her you came by…"

"That's okay, Mrs. Kimble. I'll see Detective Hoyt. Bring him into the living room," Jordan called out from somewhere. Mrs. Kimble led Woody to the right of the foyer this time…into a room decorated in shades of blues with touches of red and yellow. Very formal…but very livable. Jordan was curled up on a couch…facing the fireplace, where there was a fire roaring…she was in her pajamas and robe, a throw pulled across her lap and legs.

"I'm okay...you can leave now Mrs. Kimble."

"Are you sure? I don't mind staying the night…."

"No. I'm fine."

"Very well." Mrs. Kimble left the room and closed the door behind her. Jordan waited two beats before she looked Woody in the eyes.

"I guess you have some questions?" she asked, returning her gaze to the fire.

"Yeah. I do. Can I sit?"

"Sure." She indicated the chair beside her couch. He ignored it and sat beside her.

"Why didn't you tell me, Jo?" he softly asked, fighting the urge to take her in his arms. She may not welcome any kind of touch from anyone right now.

"It's not something you insert in everyday conversation, Woody… 'oh, by the way, I was raped'."

"When…" he wasn't too sure how to even start talking to her.

"The second year I was in DC. I was leaving the lab late one night….you know how I used to be…didn't care if I walked out with anyone or not…the perp grabbed me from behind, took me around the corner, away from everything, tied my hands over my head, ripped my clothes off, held me down by my hair, and raped me…stabbed me….beat me…then he did it all over again. If Jon hadn't found me…" her voice wavered. "If Jon hadn't been leaving his office late either, and heard something…"

"You would have been killed," Woody finished, somewhat flatly.

"Yeah."

"So you married him out of gratitude?"

"No…not exactly."

"Then why?"

"Well, it wasn't for financial security, if that's what you're getting at again." Woody flinched, remembering their previous argument. "I made plenty of my own money as an inspector…plus with what the Pogue brought in…I was financially stable on my own. I didn't need a man or his money. So I didn't marry Jon out of financial gain or gratitude."

"Then why? Was it a marriage of convenience?"

Jordan blushed. "Not the way you think."

"Then how?"

"I knew Jon before ….before…" she swallowed hard. "Before I was raped. He wasn't on the federal committee that I worked with to set lab standards, but his office was near mine. I saw him a lot….at first, he was sort of like a father to me…then he became a good friend. When he saw what happened to me, after he got me to Walter Reed, he kind of took over for me. I was a mess….physically and emotionally. I couldn't think…function…..nothing. Jon did everything for me…including getting me the best medical attention money could buy. He made sure everything was repaired and that reconstructive surgery was done to erase any physical evidence of my ….. event. He also pushed the DC police to work their asses off to find this guy. He was on the federal committee that dictated how much funding the DC police department got from the government each year…all he had to do was make a few phone calls. In a few days, the perp was behind bars."

"So he's in prison?"

"For the next thirty years."

"So what happened?"

"I got better, but I was still deathly afraid of my own shadow. Jon had taken me back to his house in DC when I was discharged from the hospital. He and his staff took care of me. When I was able to stay by myself, I was still too traumatized to. So Jon made a proposition…."

"He proposed?"

"Sort of. He actually proposed a business arrangement rather than a marriage."

Woody's eyebrows hit his hairline. "A business arrangement?"

Jordan nodded. "He would protect me…body guards…a driver….a home with the best security system available…in exchange, I would help him campaign in his re-election bids and be by his side whenever he needed me to be."

"Including his illness."

"I knew Jon was ill before I married him. He had confided to me shortly after we became friends what was wrong with him."

"You married him anyway. In exchange for him keeping you safe."

"Yes. It wasn't so stiff…don't look at me like that. We were _friends_ before all this happened. It wasn't an unpleasant situation. And we did fall in love. It wasn't a marriage of 'convenience', as you like to call it. It may not have been passion and romance and flowers, but it was a good marriage. I wouldn't have stayed in it if it wasn't. And I would still be married to him today if he was alive. It lasted longer than a lot of other people's."

Woody remembered hearing on the news how devoted the senator's wife had been…how much they had loved each other despite it being a May/December romance. He didn't doubt her words. He cleared his throat before he spoke. "I'm not condemning you, Jordan. I'm just trying to understand."

"Jon rescued me in my darkest hour…he made me feel safe and secure again. I was able to function at work…able to live again."

"And you find it harder now in Boston?"

"Not until this last case. It just brought up too many memories."

Woody looked at her….her eyes held a far away look…he could see various waves of pain, loss, and apprehension cross her face. "I'm sorry, Jordan. It should have never happened to you."

"That's what Jon always told me. He said," she shifted around on the couch to face Woody, "He said that even angels can lose their way sometimes and fall to the ground…but it shouldn't have ever happened to me."

"He was right. Is there anything I can do for you, Jordan?"

She shook her head. "Just don't tell anyone about this…It may come out one day, but I want to control it if it does."

Woody looked at her, puzzled for a moment. "But it wasn't your fault…what happened wasn't because of anything you did."

"I should have known better, though…leaving by myself so late at night…not waiting on a security guard…I was too caught up in my work to be careful…I mean, I had dated a cop…for years…lived with him…I should have known…" her voice broke then and the tears came. Gently, Woody pulled her into his arms and held her. She cried hard…for a long time. He rubbed her back, the way he used to when she was upset and had trouble sleeping. Funny how little things like that come back to your mind…when you've thought you've long forgotten them. Come to think of it, he rubbed Bryan's and Brad's back the same way. After a while, she let out a long shuddering sigh and relaxed on his shoulder. He momentarily tightened his hold and dropped a kiss on her head before releasing her. "Jo…are you going to be all right?" He felt her nod. "I hate like the dickens to do this, but I have to go…the boys…"

He felt her stiffen her spine before she even raised her head. "Oh gosh…Brad and Bryan…where are they?"

"Mrs. Harris…"

Jordan looked guilty. She knew the boys really didn't like that babysitter. "Tell them I am so sorry."

"All I'll have to tell them is that you were hurt…and needed me…and they won't mind. Especially Brad. I think he's sweet on you, Jordan."

Jordan smiled, her professional mask slowly taking its place back on her face. "They're great kids, Woody. You don't know how blessed you are." She rose from the couch and walked with him to the door. "Thanks for everything…You're the only person in Boston that knows…..what happened to me other than Garret."

"Garret knows?"

"Yeah. I had Garret listed as next of kin when I was in Washington. Jon called him while I was in the hospital."

"Oh…Good night, Jordan…if you get scared tonight….call me. I'm not sure how effective a widower with two boys would be…but we'd give them one hell of a fight."

She smiled. "Kiss Brad and Bryan for me. Good night." And with that she shut the door.

Woody's mind was a whirlwind as he drove back to his house in the suburbs. She was attacked…brutalized…raped. No wonder these cases had driven her nearly insane and over the edge…and she couldn't recluse herself because she was the chief ME. Now that he knew all the facts, he thought Jordan had done a hell of a good job. As a matter of fact, if it hadn't been for her, Lauren may have never talked….been able to help produce a sketch.

But Jordan had been victimized and for the better part of the last ten years, she had been too frightened to leave the house alone. Jon had taken care of her…and she had taken care of him. Not a bad arrangement.

He pulled into his driveway…the boys' bedroom light was still on. He frowned. It was past their bedtime…but not by much. He had a feeling they were trying to stay awake to see their dad. He hadn't had a lot of time for them lately…this case had taken most of his time. He would have to change that. Maybe he and the boys and Jordan could do something this weekend….she seemed to really care for Brad and Bryan. _Funny,_ he thought…_You'd think that kids would be an unpleasant reminder of what she didn't have…but she likes my boys…they seem to comfort her. Not a bad thing. I just wish I could do something for her…something to make up for all she really has lost._


	11. More Secrets and Babysitting

**Chapter Eleven**

Suddenly, Jordan felt very vulnerable. Not just because of her past, but now because it seemed her past was out in the open….Garret knew…and so did Woody. She didn't see Garret that often anymore. He and Lily had gotten married and were on an extended honeymoon. And Garret had known for a long time.

It was Woody that bothered her. Not because he said anything….or even looked at her differently. It was just that he knew… she never planned on him ever learning about the incident. For all she had known, before she arrived back in Boston, he and Julie were still working on their happily ever after. She had no idea that both hers and Woody's fairy tale endings had crashed and burned within years of each other.

But having him know the rape made her feel vulnerable towards him. So she reacted the way she always had under such situations. She pulled inside herself…not discussing anything with him that wasn't work related.

In the past, Woody had no recourse except to wait it out…until Jordan came to her senses. But now he had a weapon…his boys. They could get through to her better than anyone else. Woody was worried about her…she was professionally perfect…but her eyes often told him a different story…her fear was evident in them…each time another victim of the murderer/rapist was brought into the morgue. He no longer chided her for being afraid to walk out of work by herself. As often as he could, he would walk with her. But he was still worried about her. So he played his secret weapon…the twins.

He would often ask her to keep them for him while he was working on the case. She never refused. He'd bring them to the morgue and they'd wait in her office for her to finish up work, then ride with her to her house and stay until Woody picked them up. She'd help them with their homework…they'd swim in the pool. Often Woody would eat dinner with them. It was only then Woody saw Jordan begin to unwind and really relax. Become more like her old self. Forget her fears.

However, the use of this "secret weapon" soon became the target of morgue and police department gossip. Soon people had Woody and Jordan together again as a couple…although it was only in their minds. Woody was well aware of the fact that Jordan still flinched just a little when he touched her…even though it was always accidental. He would never to do anything on purpose to make her feel uncomfortable. But as much as his boys were in and out of the police department, he didn't want them to overhear anything that wasn't true…especially about himself and Jordan. Brad and Bryan adored her. Woody didn't want them to get their hopes up…that there may be a way that Jordan would become a permanent part of their lives…only to have it dashed on the rocks of reality.

And he wasn't sure what he felt …. Did he just want a lover…or something more? And he had absolutely no clue what Jordan was thinking. But he had to protect his boys. He finally went to her office to talk with her one afternoon before the boys were due to arrive off their bus.

"People are talking about us again, Jordan," he said as he shut her office door.

"Beg your pardon?" She had been doing dictation. She cut off the machine and turned to face him.

"They're talking about us. You and me. Again."

"As a couple?"

Woody nodded. "You remember the office pool they had set up about you and me before I met Julie?"

She nodded. Bets had been placed on when they would start dating…where they would go….when they first slept together….when Woody would move in…if she'd get pregnant. A blush rose to her cheeks. She had been embarrassed then. She was now. "Don't tell me they're up to that again?" she whispered.

"Oh yes. And running strong. It seems your relationship with my sons have fueled the fire."

Jordan looked down for a minute. "I'm sorry Woody. I didn't know this would happen. Honestly."

"I know. And when it was just you and me…it really didn't matter."

"It never mattered to me then…and it doesn't now – let them gossip."

"I agree. But now it involves my sons. And it could hurt them. They could hear things about us that aren't true. And get their hopes up…"

Jordan paused for a moment, turning toward the window and toying with her necklace, trying to gain control over her emotions. "Does that mean you're going to stop letting me see Brad and Bry…Bryan?" she finished, her voice breaking over the last word.

Woody softly came up behind her and ever so gently put his hands on her arms. She didn't flinch this time. "No," he whispered, his breath stirring the wisps of hair that had escaped her twist of hair on the back of her neck. "I'd never do that. They love you. And you love them. I can tell." He felt her shoulders sag with relief under his hands. He eased her around to face him. "I know that part of these rumors are left over from years ago…it's common knowledge that we lived together…and that when we were both in a room, the sexual tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife." _It still is…at least on my part,_ he thought.

"I just need to know, Jordan," he continued, still looking in her whiskey-colored eyes and keeping a light grip on her arms, "if there ever could be anything between us…like there was before. The time we've been spending together with the boys is nice…wonderful…but I don't want to get my hopes up either."

He saw the panic spread from her eyes to her face and then down the rest of her body…it tensed up and readied to bolt for the door. He increased the pressure of his hands on her arms to keep her in one place.

"No, Jordan. Don't run. There's no need to. I know you've been through a lot…and I understand. I really do. I can tell that right now any kind of intimacy…sexual or otherwise….frightens you. Just please…know that I would never hurt you. I don't want the kind of relationship you had with Jon…a business partnership….but I would never hurt you…" She pushed against him to move to the door. "No, please Jordan…don't run…"

"I'm not going to. I want to shut the door. What I'm going to tell you, I don't want anyone else to hear." He let her go then and she shut her office door, locked it, and pulled the shade to it and the window. They needed complete privacy for what she was about to reveal to him. She sat on the couch and motioned him down beside her. "You need to know a little more about my relationship with Jon.

"Please know that I loved my husband. Dearly. He took care of me at a point in my life when I was incapable of doing so. Then he continued to care for me in such a manner that I could function. And it was more a business arrangement…probably more of an arrangement than you realize.

"I told you I knew Jon was ill before I married him. I did. He told me shortly after we became friends because he knew I had access to a lot of medical information a layperson may not have. And it was all over the news he had cancer…and he did….but it was the cancer associated with AIDS, Woody."

It took a few minutes for Woody to absorb all the information she had just laid in his lap. "AIDS?" he finally managed to get out.

"Yeah. But he didn't get it the way you're thinking about. No. He had been on a fact finding trip to Africa way back in the early eighties…before the blood supply was rigorously tested. He was in a car accident and taken to a hospital, where he required three blood transfusions. That's where he contracted it. It's been a well-kept secret and I must ask that you not repeat it outside this room." Woody nodded, still stunned.

"For years, he received the best treatments out there. He could afford to. And they prolonged his life. But I knew about it before I got married."

"And you married him anyway?" Woody asked incredulously. He had heard of love being blind…but this kind of self-sacrifice was too much. "You put yourself in position where you could _die_?"

"No. NO. You don't understand. Our marriage was arranged in that area, too…"

"You mean you never…."

"No. Our marriage was never consummated…in any way. Jon was too afraid he'd expose me to the virus. He rarely even kissed me, except for on the cheek. He was paranoid."

"Dear Jesus. Jordan…" He looked away, trying to take all this in. She had been right when she told him DC had taken away far more from her than Boston ever did. He raked his finger through his hair. Not only had she been victimized, but also possibly celibate for how long? Awkwardly he began the question. "Then how long has it been since…"

"Since the day you walked out of my apartment to give me time and space," she softly replied, looking at her hands. "When I first arrived in DC, I was too busy and too hurt over your marriage to Julie to even think about men…or sex. Then after my attack…since then….the thought has terrified me. I'm afraid I'll freak out…shut down…go off the deep end if I'm ever in bed with a man again. So before you think you may want to even try a relationship again with me…you need to think about it. It may be more trouble than it's worth…you may need to be more patient than you want to be, because I have no clue how I'll react. Or even if I really want it."

"Do you think you might?"

"I don't know. There never was that pressure there with Jon. I knew whatever love I had for him would stay confined to the realm of a close friendship. I've never contemplated any other type of relationship with anyone else."

"So…I was the last man that made love to you…"

She nodded.

"That's been a long time ago." He stood and went to the door.

_It's over now,_ she thought. _I wouldn't touch me with a ten-foot pole. I bet he's changed his mind, too._ Instead he grinned at her. "Jon was a lucky man. Maybe you'll let me get that lucky."

* * *

He was the last man to have touched her with love. The thought made his chest grow warm…he had no idea…but after he had met Julie, he had pretty much thrust Jordan out of his mind.

Julie. Bug had actually introduced them. She was Bug's friend from some of his naturalist hikes. She had green-eyes and auburn hair and was a middle-school English teacher. She had the patience of a saint and absolutely no issues surrounding her. She was tall and slender….five foot eleven inches tall and athletic. Woody had actually started dating her by default, while waiting on Jordan to make up her mind about them. But as weeks slid into months…and soon six months had passed with no word from Jordan, Woody realized that even if Jordan had wanted him back, then he wouldn't return to her.

It was too risky. And he was tired of risks with relationships. He was doing well professionally…and now he could afford to settle down and start the family that he had craved for so long. Julie was willing to do that. Jordan wasn't. Julie loved him. He wasn't sure at all what Jordan felt.

And did he love Julie? That was a question he had asked himself many times. And after much contemplation the answer was yes. She had truly been the other side of his soul. She was good to him…and two years after their wedding she had presented him with twins. He had sat with her through labor and watched in complete amazement and nearly worship as she brought his two sons into the world. It had been a happy time in Woody's life. The happiest yet. Thoughts of a brown-eyed medical examiner were nearly nonexistent in his head. He would wonder how she was doing, especially when he would pass her old office. It hadn't surprised him that she left Boston when he married. Her staying would have been tough on both of them, because despite the fact that Woody was involved in another relationship, and Jordan did respect that, the sexual tension between them was palpable. He had been eternally grateful that she had left.

He knew loneliness that Jordan dealt with first-hand. Julie had been on her way back home from a PTA meeting. Woody had been at home with their two year-old sons. When his cell phone rang and it was the chief, he knew it was bad news. Julie's station wagon had been t-boned by a drunk driver. The jaws of life had to be brought in to cut her out. She had been killed instantly. His world had collapsed.

Woody had mourned her loss for years….glad that his sons were too young to remember the pain…but lonely in the grief process. It had only been in the last three years that he felt he could remove his gold wedding band….Julie had placed it on his finger the day they were married and he never had removed it. It had been his last tangible link to her until he was truly ready to let her go.

Now his thoughts drifted to another woman…one he would like to make feel secure with him…one that he knew he had the patience to win….this time for keeps. They had both changed…matured. They knew what kind of work a relationship took. If he could just overcome Jordan's fears…although they were completely understandable and were expected, given her background. _The first thing I need to do is make her feel as secure with me as she did with Jon_. The senator had left big shoes to fill…but Woody would be working on that security on a different level. While he was sure he could make her feel protected from anyone that would harm her…he would also need to make her feel safe enough with him that intimacy was not an issue. While Jon may have been content with his "arrangement" with Jordan, Woody was not. And he doubted, deep down, if Jordan would be, either. _Just take it one step at a time, Hoyt_. He told himself. _Don't scare her off_.

And the first step began a lot sooner than he realized it would. The case against the murderer/rapist began to take quick shape. The sketch that Lauren had helped produce yielded many fruitful leads. They had the suspect under surveillance and were planning on making a late afternoon arrest. Woody would have to work late yet again. Mrs. Harris was visiting her sister in New Jersey and wasn't available to sit with the boys. Woody picked up the phone and called Jordan. He briefly filled her in on what was going on. "Can you keep Brad and Bryan for me? One more time? Please?"

"You don't have to beg, Woody. You know I will. Just have their bus bring them to the morgue and they can go home with me."

"That's the problem…Brad's at home sick. A neighbor is watching him now, but she's going to have to leave when the bus brings Bryan home. Brad has a fever and I really don't want him out of the house. His colds have a tendency to go into bronchitis."

"No problem. I can keep them there. I'll leave work now, go home and change, and be at your house before Bryan's bus arrives."

"Do you mind, Jordan? Are you sure?"

"Not an issue. Go catch the bad guy, detective. We've all waited a long time for this. Don't worry about the boys. I have everything under control."

"You know I worry when you talk that way…"

He could hear her snicker under her breath before she hung up. Five minutes later, she called him back. "Woody…by the way…_where do you live?"_

"So much for control, huh, Jordan?" He have her directions and smiled. She had never been to his house…now she would see how he lived.

* * *

He came home, bone-weary, eight hours later. He opened the back door to find an immaculate, good-smelling kitchen. She had obviously cleaned and cooked dinner. He took off his shoes and walked into the den. The boys and Jordan were laying on the floor…sound asleep. She had laid down a blanket and evidently they had gone to sleep watching movies. Bryan was on his tummy…Brad was cuddled up next to Jordan. _Lucky guy_, Woody thought, shocked at his envy of his son. Jordan was in the middle, looking so much like the "old" Jordan he knew that he had to grin…jeans, t-shirt, her hair pulled back in a clip. He picked up the boys one by one, carried them upstairs, and got them into their beds. He felt Brad's forehead before he flipped out their light. It was cool to the touch. Jordan had gotten his fever to break, too. And his breathing sounded free. He sighed with relief. No bronchitis this time.

Then he turned his attention to Jordan. It was now well-passed eleven and she was sleeping soundly. He didn't want to wake her and have her drive home this late by herself, and then go into a dark house all alone. He didn't think she could handle it, although she'd never tell him so. He made a snap decision. He went to his downstairs bedroom and pulled the sheets back on the bed. He went back into the den and gently lifted her in his arms, noting that she didn't seem to weigh much more than his sons. She turned her head to snuggle closer to his neck… and her hair came out of the clip she had it up in. His breath caught, as he noted the thick chestnut waves nearly reached her waist. He had never seen her hair down since she returned to Boston. He carried her to his bed and laid her down…that was when her eyes flickered open and tried to focus…"Woody?" she asked softly… "What?"

"We caught the bad guy, Jordan." Her smile nearly split her face in two.

"I knew you would."

"But it's late now…and I don't want you driving home by yourself and going into that big house all alone. Stay here tonight." He softly brushed the long hair out of her face, and trailed a finger down her cheek.

"I don't know if that's a good idea, Woody," she said, somewhat breathlessly. "I really don't."

Woody held her gaze for a minute…then focused on her lips…still relaxed from sleep…and gently lowered his lips to hers….being careful to note any reaction from her. But she didn't flinch…she hesitated for just a minute, before she responded…not opening her mouth for him, but accepting the pressure of his mouth and returning his caresses, remembering in the back of her mind that this man…Woody…had been the last man to make love to her…and she remembered how that used to be with him….

She and Woody were both too caught up in the memories and the moment to notice a small figure creeping by the bedroom door. Bryan immediately clapped a hand over his mouth to keep from shouting and quietly made his way back up stairs to the bedroom he shared with Brad. "Brad….wake up…wake up," he said, violently shaking his twin. "This is important."

"Wha?" responded his twin, sleepily. The cold medicine he took still made him groggy.

"It's Jordan…"

"What about her?"

"She and Dad are downstairs….kissing in his bedroom."

"You're kidding, right?"

"Serious, dude. They're lip-locked right now."

"Dude!" Brad replied, giving his brother a high five. "Maybe Dad knows more about girls than we think."


	12. Kisses and Confessions

**Chapter Twelve**

Woody pulled away from her after a few minutes and gently stroked her hair. He felt her response, but he also had felt her heart pounding in her chest…he didn't want to push her in anyway before she was ready. "I'll take the guest bedroom upstairs," he whispered, dropping one last kiss to her forehead and tucking the blanket around her. He felt her tighten her hold on him momentarily.

"Could you stay with me a little while…at least until I fall asleep?" she asked

"Are you sure, Jordan?"

He felt her nod. He lay down on the bed, outside of the covers, and gently hugged her to him.

"Thanks," she whispered.

"For what? Catching the bad guy, tucking you in, or kissing you good-night?"

"For understanding….everything."

He smiled and felt Jordan stretch, roll over and hug her pillow to her. Closing her eyes and breathing in his scent, she settled down to sleep. Woody watched her for a long time, praying that at least for tonight, she could rest and feel safe. When he was sure she was asleep, he eased himself up off the bed and softly kissed her cheek. Then he found his way upstairs to the guest room.

* * *

Following days were busy ones for Woody and Jordan as they solidified their case against the murderer/rapist. Still, with his hectic schedule, he still watched Jordan for any sign of rejection….that the night spent at his house upset her in anyway. But it seemingly didn't. Woody didn't know what was going on in her head…what and where she expected their relationship to go, but day by day, he was more certain what he wanted: He wanted her as his lover….but he wanted her this time for keeps.

He knew Jordan had loved her husband. And in many ways was still in love with Jon, despite the oddities of their relationship. Jon had been there for her during some of worst times of her life. Now Woody had to show her….prove to her, that he would do the same….and that he had enough patience to wait for however long it would take for her to build her confidence up in herself that she could have a normal relationship with a man.

And that was the difficult part for Jordan. Not only did she not feel safe, Woody knew, although she had never told him directly, that she was afraid of what her reaction would be when she had sex again. And to be honest, so was Woody. With Jon, she never had to worry about it.

With Woody, she was concerned. Not because he was demanding or impatient…but the exact opposite. When he touched her…put his hand on her back or even on her arm and he felt her flinch, he would talk to her….until her muscles relaxed and her breathing returned to normal.

One afternoon, when he came to her house to pick up Brad and Bryan, he found her in the kitchen, making a snack for the boys. "Hi," she greeted him.

"Hi….good day?" he had asked coming up behind her and gently putting his arms around her. She nearly jumped out of her skin. "Hey…..Jordan…sweetheart….it's all right." He lifted her chin so that he could look in her eyes. "I'm not going to hurt you….you know that."

"I know, Woody. I know you'd never hurt me…it's just…that…even Jon didn't touch me often after…what happened to me….I'm not used to it anymore," she said, lowering her eyes to avoid his gaze.

Woody thought the thirty years her attacker had received was entirely too short for what the man had done to her. "Jordan, sweetheart, look at me, please." He stopped talking until her whiskey-colored eyes met his blue one. "I am not and will not hurt you in any way, shape, or form. We can take this as slowly as you need to and want to. We've got all the time in the world."

She hesitated for a moment before answering him. "But…but what if we don't? Won't you get tired of waiting on me? We lived together, and I remember how it was between us…how you are…." She swallowed hard. "I'm just not sure about myself…and if I can…and if you'll wait…..and if…"

He put a finger to her lips to silence her. "There's too many if's in there, Jo. And it all will be fine. It will. Don't put so much pressure on yourself….you're worrying too much. I remember how it was between us, too…and how you are. But now…you're going to have to trust me on another level." Keeping her gaze, he gently lowered his lips to hers, coaxing hers to relax and trust him….in a few moments, he felt her calm down and begin to respond to him.

Memories began to flood her mind…about how he used to be…considerate…putting her needs before his own…she felt his hands slide down from her face to gently encircle her waist, not too close…but close enough she could feel the heat waving off his body. Needing to be even closer to him, she closed the distance and felt his arms tighten around her…holding her snugly.

"Are you okay?" he murmured against her lips. He felt her nod. "Good," he replied. He brushed her lower lip with his tongue, and felt her mouth open just a little. Tentatively, he let his tongue tangle with hers, only deepening the kiss when she was ready. Woody could feel her heart pounding through her thin shirt. Immediately, he lightened the kiss and broke it…still keeping her safe in the circle of his arms.

"Woody?" she said softly.

"Yeah, Jordan?"

"Kissing you isn't the hard part, you know?"

"What is, then?"

"I told you Jon usually only kissed me on the cheek…my attacker never kissed me…or had me kiss him…it was what he did….and said…..that I don't think I can ever forget. Every time it gets to the point with you where I think I'm ready to go on…I see his face….hear his words…feel….feel him, not you. I can't get it out of my head….that's why I don't know if I can….how I'll react….How do I make it go away?"

"But you know it's me, right?"

"Yeah…"

"Then don't worry about it. When the time is right…you'll know that it's just me and you…and it will be fine."

"It could take a while."

"I'm a patient man, Jordan."


	13. Operation Bring Her Home

**Chapter Thirteen**

Patience, however seemed to take a backseat to life. Woody's workload increased for some unknown reason…and as a result, so did Jordan's. The ME's office quickly followed the same workload as homicide. Jordan found herself working doubles…overtime…and rotation. She saw less of Woody than she wanted, and even less of the boys.

To top it all off, she received an invitation to go back to DC…well, not exactly an invitation…it was more like a demand couched as a request from the Senate steering committee to return to Washington for one last round of testimony about morgue and crime lab regulations. She read the letter with equal amounts of fear and trepidation. She didn't want to go back…Jon's words rang in her ears … _"when I am gone and beneath that Texas soil, don't you stay in Washington any longer than you have to. That town will end up killing you, too. Get out. If you don't want to go back to Boston, go to Texas._

And even returning to Texas…with all its memories of her husband, seemed better than DC.

Jordan sighed. No matter how hard she tried to get away from her past, it constantly seemed to rear its ugly self in her face. She had returned home … to Boston…with no hopes or dreams of rekindling a romance with Woody. She had had no idea that he was even a widower. And now, either luck or some twisted sense of fate, had brought them back together.

And she was not stupid. She knew by the look in Woody's eyes where he was heading with their relationship. He hadn't said a word, but she knew….the man was playing for keeps. It seemed no matter how hard they fought against it, on some great universal playing field, they were destined to keep finding each other…and she had learned to quit fighting fate a long time ago.

Her issue was, like most rape victims, was how was she going to react the first time she had made love after her attack? She was sure most victims didn't wait nearly eight years. And it seemed that each year that passed, her body went into further lock-down. She flinched when she was touched….backed off if people got too close….kept her "bubble" of personal space around her.

You can't keep that bubble and make love.

She knew Woody wasn't rushing her. She was putting pressure on herself. Every time he'd kiss her, in the back of her mind she would wonder if _this was it…now was the time_ and would only succeed in nearly working herself into a state of panic. Woody knew it, too. He'd back off immediately. But a man could remain patient for so long.

But she was so scared of how she would react. And how was she to know when was the right time?

Reluctantly she looked at the letter again….in her study, at her Beacon Hill home. Slowly she stood up and walked over to where Jon's picture hung. Looking up into his green eyes, she remembered something else her husband had told her….one day when she was fretting over threats made against him due to his conservatism. He told her _"Jordan….you can't live your life in fear….you have to stare the bastards in the eye….stare them down….but whatever you do…don't let them see you blink."_

_Stare them down_, she thought. _Maybe that's exactly what I need to do. Maybe I've blinked one to many times._

* * *

"Are you sure you want to do this?" asked Woody.

"I don't see I have much of a choice," Jordan said, carefully packing some clothes in her suitcase. "When the Vice President and the Senate calls, you don't say, 'Gee, let me see if I can fit this into my schedule', you're there when they tell you to be there."

"I mean by yourself…Are you sure? I can get off work and go with you."

Jordan smiled at him. "And what will you do with the boys?"

"Mrs. Harris?"

"Brad would never forgive you."

Woody was silent for a minute, sitting on the edge of her bed in her room at her house. She was packing her suit now… a red one….he loved her in red. "You'll use the body guards that Jon put at your disposal?"

"I'll call them if I get too spooked. But I really need to try to do this on my own."

Woody got up and took both of her hands in his. "I know, sweetheart. But I worry."

"Don't. I'll be fine."

Woody echoed those same words the next day as he saw her off at Logan. "Call me…the minute you get there?"

"I will. Stop worrying."

"Yeah. Right."

Jordan bent down to kiss Brad and Bryan good-bye. "You two be good until I come home..."

"Will you bring us something back?" Brad asked.

"Brad …that's rude," Bryan said.

"I was just askin'. You never know until you ask."

Jordan laughed. "Of course. I'll bring you something back….just be good for your dad, okay? Take care of him for me?"

The boys nodded. After one more quick kiss from Woody, she turned to board the plane when she felt a small hand stop her. It was Bryan…bending down to see what he wanted, Jordan heard him whisper "You are coming back, aren't you Jordan?"

"Sure I am…in four days."

"Good. Brad and me….we'll miss you. But Dad…..he's really going to miss you…You won't leave like Mom did, will you?"

Jordan felt the tears spring to her eyes. "No honey. I won't leave like your mom did….but she couldn't help it. I'm sure she'd rather be here with you…but I'll be back…I love you two and your dad too much to go anywhere else." And with a final wave, she turned to go.

"Okay boys, you ready?" Woody asked.

"Locked and loaded, Dad," said Brad.

"Operation Bring Her Home is on," Bryan replied.

"Good," Woody said. He and the boys walked quickly through the lobby of the terminal to where Lily and Garret were waiting.

"You boys ready to stay with us a few days?" asked Lily. They nodded. Woody handed Garret the keys to his car. "Their luggage is in the trunk. Leave the keys in my locker here. I'll be back in four days. You have my cell phone number if there's an emergency, right?"

"Everything is under control, Woody. When does your flight to DC leave?"

"In two hours."

Garret grinned. "She's never going to suspect a thing…Good luck detective."


	14. I Only Want You

**Chapter Fourteen**

It had been a grueling flight, followed by a grueling four hours worth of interrogation by the Senate committee. Jordan had been forced to scramble in Boston to review her notes and findings for the committee. The truth was, she had been so busy since she returned to Boston, first with the murderer/rapist, then with Woody and his boys, she had put her findings for the senate committee on her mental back burner. She had stayed up nearly all night the night before, nursing numerous cups of coffee, reading her reports and summarizing her findings. She had caught a couple hours of sleep on the plane, arrived in DC, went to her hotel, changed into her business suit, and was on the Senate floor before she could think twice.

Afterwards, she walked over to Jon's old office to say hello to his replacement. It had been a photo opportunity. Woody watched from the sidelines … Jordan had no idea he was there. He saw her go from being the chief ME of Massachusetts to being a Senator's widow with all of its clout and prestige in a matter of minutes. Again, he had to wonder to himself, what could he offer her? He did love her. He knew that. He just wasn't sure that was enough. In Massachusetts, she was still known more as just Jordan Cavanaugh…the McDermont part of her name hadn't really caught on yet.

But in other places, it was different. She wasn't a single girl from Massachusetts any longer.

She was the Honorable Edward Jonathan McDermont's widow. A position that obviously carried a great deal of clout…everyone was nearly falling all over themselves to talk with her.

A position that may make her as unreachable to him as the stars.

What had he done? To himself and his boys? Begun a relationship…welcomed a woman into their lives that may never fit in?

May never really want to fit in.

Sure, Jordan had been receptive to his kisses…even told Bryan that she loved them and him…but was she just saying that to make a nine year-old boy feel better, or did she really mean it?

He sighed and turned away. Maybe coming to Washington was a mistake. He must be crazy if he thought he could woo her and win her again….he may be able to be her friend…maybe even her lover…certainly her protector. But her husband?

Probably not.

He pulled away from the crowd where he had been watching her, along with the hundreds of other people and photographers. He must have fallen off the deep end if the thought she could be his again.

* * *

Jordan pushed back a wisp of hair had fallen out of the twist of hair on the back of her neck. Woody would tell her she was in her "up tight" mode….business suit, heels, hose, and her hair put up. It had only been recently that she had taken to wearing it down again. She guessed she felt more professional with it up.

She had testified. She had made what would be her last official appearance as Senator Edward Jonathan McDermont's widow. Now was she was making her final stop in DC…before she left the city for good…for the last time taking Jon's advice. She had to stare down the bastard that left her the shell of a woman she used to be. Determinedly she entered the building she had worked in for so long in Washington…took the elevator up to her old office….took the time to say hello to her old co-workers who were burning the midnight oil…and then took the elevator down the parking deck. The exact same route, at the exact same time, she was raped so many years before.

Her heart was pounding, but she squared her shoulders, pushed open the door to the parking deck, and walked to the exact spot where her self-confidence, femininity, and in a distinct sense, her freedom had been ripped from her…she paused as she got to the spot. The blood was long gone….washed away by the cleaning crew and numerous rains years ago. As were the police lines…It was all a distant memory to everyone.

Everyone but her. She relived it everyday.

She stood there for a moment, until quiet footsteps startled her out of her thoughts. "Who's there?" she asked, trying to keep the fear out of her voice.

"It's just me."

"Woody?" Jordan turned around, not believing her eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"The boys and I thought you shouldn't be wandering the streets of DC by yourself….so here I am." He walked up to her and looked her in the eyes, his hand pushed down deep into his pants pocket. "So why here, Jo? Why are you standing in the middle of a nearly-empty parking garage this late at night in Washington?"

"This…this is where it happened, Woody."

"The rape?"

"Yeah. I had to come back and convince myself that I could walk out here again and nothing harm me. That there was really no reason for me to be so fearful…I came to try to find some answers."

"Have you found them?"

"I think so. You know….Jon told me, a long time ago, that the only way to not live your life in fear was to stare the bastards down….whatever was causing you problems…just stare it down. Don't blink. I think I've blinked too much."

"You've been through a lot…"

"And who hasn't? You have. Did you ever go back to the place where Julie had her wreck…relive the what ifs?"

She had him there. "Yeah. Several times."

"Did it help you release her to the past? Put it in perspective so you could live your life in the future?"

"It did," he admitted. He had gone back to the place of the wreck several times…at first it was to grieve and convince himself it really happened. Later, he did it for closure.

Jordan nodded and headed down the sidewalk to her hotel. Woody followed her. "I'm through blinking," she continued.

"What does that mean, Jo? To you….what do you have in mind?"

"It means, Farm Boy," she said turning to him, "I'm ready to go on with my life. Today was my last official, public appearance as the widow of Edward Jonathan McDermont. And while I will always love him on one level – he did truly save my life – it's time to go on. I've got to deal with my past and decide my future."

"Do you know what that could be, Jordan…you're future, that is?"

"I hope it's being the chief ME for Massachusetts for a long, long time. And I hope that a certain detective and his boys will share their lives with me."

Woody paused walking. It took Jordan a minute or two to realize he wasn't beside her. She looked back at him…his hands still in his pockets and a quizzical look on his face. She swallowed hard and walked back over to him. She stopped right in front of him, but made no move to touch him. What if she had gotten his signals horribly, horribly wrong? What if he didn't want to? "Woody.." she said tentatively, "Don't….don't you want me anymore?"

He looked down into her whiskey-colored eyes….his ocean blue ones meeting her honey-brown gaze. "Of course I do," he whispered, his voice husky… "But Jordan…what do I have that I could possibly give you in return. I mean, I'm just a lieutenant with the Boston PD. I make a decent salary, but nothing compared to what you're worth…I don't have connections either in DC or Boston, really. I'm average….and you're used to above average. So what do I have that I could possibly offer you?"

"You," she said simply. "That's all I want. Just you."


	15. Fall Into Me

**Chapter Fifteen**

"But are you sure just 'me' will be enough?" Woody asked, trepidation edging his voice. "I mean, you've played in the big leagues, Jordan. A senator's wife. And not just any senator….Edward Jonathan McDermont's wife…you've testified before senate committees…Life with me will hardly be that exciting."

"I think you're wrong there…two nine year-old boys…who are the image of their father…who all by himself can be a challenge, if I remember correctly."

He gave her a small grin. "Not quite the same, though. At least in my way of thinking. In less than six months you may be bored out of your head."

Jordan felt the tears spring to her eyes. Rapidly, she blinked them away, thankful that in the darkness of the Washington night, he couldn't see them. "So you don't think I could be happy back in Boston, with you and Brad and Bryan?"

"I believe you need to think through it very carefully, Jo. The boys have lost their mother…and I lost my wife. I don't want to start a life with you only to have you get bored in a few years and want to bail on us."

"I don't bail, Woody…or run…or whatever you want to call it….any longer. My marriage to Jon should show you that."

"You married Jon for security…safety. Our marriage wouldn't be the same kind you had before."

"I realize that."

"Then why am I enough, Jordan? Just me. Don't factor in my sons."

Jordan kept telling herself that ten years was a long time….he hadn't really seen her and how she had changed for ten years. But her feelings were still tender….her emotions, raw. "Because," she began, trying to regain control of her voice, "I don't care about the other stuff…I never really did. Jon taught me how to be his wife…how to act, what to say…what to wear. That was in exchange for his protection.

"With you, it's different. I know you'll always protect me. You always have. I have always felt safest with you. Don't get me wrong. I loved Jon. But in an entirely different way than the way I feel about you. With you, I'm willing to work through my fears…of being touched again….to have a real relationship, because I trust you. That's what I want now. Not houses. Not cars. Not even security guards or systems. Just you. I'm sorry if you don't believe me, Woody. Maybe…maybe with time you will. But I would never to anything to ever hurt your boys….or you."

She turned quickly and crossed the street to her hotel, taking the elevator up to her suite. She closed the door, threw on the deadbolt and leaned against it for a minute to regain her composure. _Jon was right,_ she thought, _I need to get out of DC as soon as I can. This city is going to kill me. Marrying him was the only good thing that has happened to me here. He said Texas loves me. I wonder if they'd welcome me back? Take me back in…maybe going home to Boston was a bad idea. Woody's not ready for anything with me…I must have gotten my signals crossed…read more into his kisses than he really meant. Maybe I should leave Boston and go back to Texas. Never go back. Surely there's something in Texas I can do…Jon's library….something…._

She closed her eyes. She liked Texas. But a part of her would always belong in Boston.

A part of her would always belong to Woody.

She pulled herself away from the door, undressed, and put on her robe. She was going to take a shower and go to bed. Tomorrow, after a good night's sleep, she would plan her next move.

She never made it to the shower. There was a soft knock. Looking through the peep hole, she saw who it was. Woody. She threw off the dead bolt and opened the door. "Can I come in?" he asked. She pushed open the door wider. "Nice digs," he continued, looking around her hotel room.

"Woody…" she began, only to have him cut her off.

"We need to talk."

She stood silent for a moment and let him in the room. He took the couch. She sat in a chair opposite him. "What else is there left to say, Woody?" she asked, not sure she wanted to know.

"I'm sorry, Jordan. About what I said. It's just that when I told Brad and Bryan that you were going to Washington, they were…are afraid you aren't going to come back. And once I got here and saw exactly how life was for you here…as McDermont's widow…I had the exact same thoughts. I can't give you anything like this. All I can offer you is me…"

She leaned forward as she spoke. "And I told you that's all I wanted."

"You'll get bored…won't you?"

Jordan rose from her chair and walked over to the window overlooking the mall in DC. "Woody, I left Boston ten years ago because I loved you…and waited too long to tell you. I couldn't handle seeing you with Julie…knowing your future was with her and I had wasted any chance I had with you. When I came home, I had no idea what had happened…that you were a widower. I was thinking….hoping….that maybe we had been given a second chance. I wasn't sure. That was why I just told you a little at a time about what happened to me once I left Boston. I wasn't' sure how you felt. I thought that maybe….maybe….you felt the same. But I must have misinterpreted your signals."

"No. You didn't." He came up behind her and ran his hands down her arms. "I want us to be together again. I just want you to be very sure of it." He turned her around to face him. "You told me once that angels even fall sometimes….I've always loved you, Jordan Cavanaugh. Always. Maybe this time….it was meant for you to fall, not to the ground, but into us…my family…me. Maybe," he continued, pulling her closer, "it was meant for me to catch you." He paused centimeters from her lips. "Do you want me to?"

She nodded. He closed the distance between them, pressing his lips to hers.

She responded by pulling him closer, wrapping her arms around his neck, and opening her mouth, letting her tongue dance with his. Whatever happened tonight, she wasn't afraid…not of Woody.


	16. Catch an Angel

**Chapter 16**

Woody looked over at Jordan, still sound asleep, slumped over on his chest. Tenderly, he brushed her long, brunette hair from her face, stroking her cheek in the process. She didn't budge. He smiled to himself. He couldn't blame her… after last night, he was still tired. He snuggled her closer, closed his eyes and let his thoughts drift back to the evening before.

It had started with the kiss. Intensely aware of how sensitive she was now, he was prepared to take as long as she needed, go as slowly as he had to, in order to make her comfortable with him. Comfortable making love again. Her response to his kisses was one thing. Her response to anything else may be different. He tightened his hold on her waist and waited for her reaction. She pulled closer. He had ran a trail of kisses down her neck to the hollow in the base of her throat, and heard her sharp intake of breath. He had pulled away then, looking into her eyes. "Jordan,' he whispered, "are you okay?"

She had only nodded.

"Look, if you want me to stop…"

"I don't want you to stop."

"But if you do…tell me."

"I will…just….just kiss me again. Please?"

He smiled at her and found her lips again, kissing her until she was nearly senseless. This time when his lips found their way along her collarbone to the base of her throat, she didn't flinch. And when his hands slid up her sides to just under her breasts, she didn't flinch then, either. "Are you okay?" he softly asked again, almost asking permission before he continued.

"Yes…."

"Are you sure?"

Her response was to move one of his hands to her breast and reach up and kiss him, turning up the passion of her kisses just a notch. Woody felt her pebble against his palm, and decided before they went any further, they needed to be more comfortable. Picking her up, he walked back across the room and put her down on the bed. She sighed with relief. Standing had been getting more difficult by the minute. But she caught her breath when he reached down to undo the tie of her robe. Instinctively, she covered his hand to stop him. He looked into her eyes. "Need to stop?" he asked.

She shook her head. "No. Just give me a minute." He backed off then and continued to lightly kiss her until he felt her relax. When he reached down to untie her robe again, she didn't stop him. He pushed away the sides of the robe and settled to one side of her, still caressing her, but letting her set the pace now. Jordan looked up at him…gazing into his eyes. In the past, years ago, when they had first been lovers, his eyes would turn as blue as the ocean at midnight in the heat of passion. They were that color now. Slowly she ran her hands down his chest and began to unbutton his shirt. He shrugged out of it and took his t-shirt off in the process. She began her own exploration then, causing his muscles to bunch in response. Reaching up to kiss him, she began to fumble with his belt.

"Jordan…wait…are you sure you're ready…for everything?"

"Yes…aren't you?"

Woody chuckled under his breath. "Yeah, but I can wait for as long as it takes for you to be comfortable."

"I am…I'm ready, Woody."

"Jordan…." He was breathing harder now as her fingers had unbuckled his belt and were now working on his pants, grazing the length of him as she did so. "Are you sure, sweetheart?"

"Never been so sure of anything in a long time."

He pulled away and looked deep into her eyes for a long moment. He didn't voice his question, but she knew what he was asking without saying it.

"Woody…as long as this is with you, I'm not afraid."

He let out a breath he felt like he had been holding for a long time, and slid his pants and boxers the rest of the way off, catching his socks in the process. Still intent on taking their love making as slow as possible, he ran his hand up her inner thigh until he gently touched her. She didn't flinch, but arched against his hand in response and smiled against his lips. "What you waiting for?" she asked. He groaned and kissed her again.

He caressed and kissed her until he heard her voice catch in the back of her throat…a sure sign from her past that she was ready….and he continued touch her until she went over the first edge. She sighed and relaxed against him afterwards, the he kissed her until she was acutely aware of him…but still in the tranquil place…before he had slid into her and heard her voice hitch again. "Jordan…look at me," he said.

She had opened her eyes and looked into his. "Are you with me, sweetheart?" She nodded. There was no fear in her eyes…

And that was the way it had gone…until some hours later, when they both sank deep into sleep. But now he was anxious to see how she was feeling…if things were still okay between them…if she was still sure of herself. "Jo…wake up," he said, gently shaking her.

Her eyes slowly cracked open and then shut again at the bright morning light. "Too early," she said, closing them again and snuggling against him. "I have two more days in this city before I fly home…please tell me I can sleep late."

"Are you okay? I mean….last night…."

She raised up one elbow and gently trailed a finger down his face, over his nose, and traced his lips. "Never better," she replied, kissing him again.

* * *

"Wait a minute, boys….hang on…you're going to hurt someone," Woody commanded, trying to slow down Brad and Bryan before they toppled over everything. "And you're going to wake Jordan. Let her rest."

"Da-a-a-a-ad," Brad began. "Jordan wants us here. She told us so."

"Yeah," Bryan echoed. "She did. Honest."

"I know….but wait just a minute. She's tired," Woody told his sons, watching them scramble to get in Jordan's room. It had been a fast two years…he thought, reflecting on their time together. As soon as they had returned from DC, Woody had talked to his sons, promising while he would never forget their mother, the time had come for them – the whole family – to move on. He asked Bryan and Brad if he could marry Jordan.

In return, the boys had given each other high fives. That was what they had wanted all along.

So three months later, shortly before Valentines Day, the boys and Woody had proposed. "We're a package deal," Woody had told her. "So….I thought it was only fitting that the boys be here."

Jordan had cried. Then smiled. Then said yes. Woody's diamond ring soon adorned her left hand. They were married in May, a small ceremony with close friends and the boys. Brad and Bryan had stood beside their father as his best men. In her vows, Jordan promised to love Woody and the boys … Soon after, they had moved into Jordan's house on Beacon Hill.

And it was those events that brought Woody and his boys here today. Woody found out that there was something he could give Jordan besides his love.

A baby.

A baby girl to be exact.

And that was why the boys were rushing to nearly tear the door off her hospital room. Their sister, Rebecca Emily Hoyt, was with her mother inside. Woody pushed open the door, and the boys went in. "Shh….she may be sleeping," Woody warned.

"Who? Mom or Becca?" asked Brad. Jordan startled. It was the first time either of the boys had called her mom.

"Both," whispered Jordan. "But come here anyway. All of you. I feel like I haven't seen you in days." The boys sat on the side of her bed and Woody leaned down and kissed her forehead.

"How are you doing?" he asked. It had been a long labor…over twenty hours.

"Tired….sore….but great."

"Can I see my daughter?"

"I think she's still awake. She just got through having lunch."

Woody went to the bassinet and picked Becca up. She opened her eyes and looked at her dad and brothers. Her eyes were blue, like the ocean…like Woody's, Brad's and Bryan's….but her hair was the color of her mother's…dark chestnut.

"Gosh, she's so tiny," Brad said, stroking her fist.

"Were we ever that little?" Bryan asked.

"Not quite so little. Becca weighs a hair over six pounds. You boys were over seven pounds each," Woody replied, sitting on the side of Jordan's bed, snuggling the sweet-smelling bundle close to him. A daughter. He had never pictured himself with a girl…but here she was. A thought ran through his mind that made him suddenly chuckle.

"What?" asked Jordan.

"Remember what Jon told you about angels? That sometimes they fall?"

She nodded.

"I think this one fell into us…and we caught her," he leaned over and kissed her quickly, "just like we caught you."


End file.
